Jurassic World: Dominion

 

Gillipedia Official Rating: So bad this film brought us back to the Triassic era

Score: 4/10

          Okay, I relented. Time to score these films on a 1-10 scale. Which does not bode well for our first-ever rating with Jurassic World: Dominion sitting at a paltry 4/10. This film, outside of fleeting entertaining moments, is hot garbage. I’ll break it down, but save your money on this one.

          Let’s start in general. There is a terrible flow to the film. Each scene feels contained within itself. It’s like the filmmakers wanted a scene with the velociraptors, they wanted one on an icy lake, and in a jungle, a giant dino battle, a chase scene, so on and so forth. While all of these worlds sound like the perfect elements to a videogame, there has to be connecting threads and emotional investment for a film. There’s a couple of fun shots here and there and a few jump scares, but there’s hardly any suspense, lingering shots, or elements foreshadowed early on that come into play later. Frequently, if there’s an action scene with a dino, it’s pretty standard to showcase the prehistoric creature almost immediately. That already desensitizes us to the thrill of the unknown of what blood-thirsty beast might be lurking in the shadows.

          It’s too bad because the opening is actually pretty good. After the events of the second (or rather fifth) film, dinosaurs have been released into the wild. This is broadcast over news segments and show handheld footage of the dinos interacting with everyday objects and in our contemporary lives. The visuals are solid, it introduces us to the world at large, and it sets the stage. After a forgettable scene that shows Bryce Dallas Howard teaming back up with Justice Smith to rescue a baby dino from some poachers, the real plot of the film starts taking shape as Howard is living in a remote cabin along with star Chris Pratt and the British girl who is the genetic clone of an old scientist from the previous film.

          The girl Maisie yearns to venture out into the world and discover what life has to offer, but Howard’s Claire and Pratt’s Owen Grady fear that there are companies and people that only want to kidnap the girl and perform research on her. It doesn’t take long before Maisie sneaks out, gets captured, and the rest of the story is Owen and Claire trying to rescue her. She’s kidnapped by Biosyn which is a genetic company with many resources claiming to take care of the dinosaurs while researching cures for all kinds of diseases. To the absolute surprise of nobody, once again, the big baddie is the evil, greedy corporation. They even keep BD Wong around as Dr. Henry Wu working for this company. I’m so tired of them not being able to come up with any other human villain to have, and it’s used as an excuse for the dinosaurs to keep a supposed sanctuary for themselves in the remote mountaintops of Italy if I’m not mistaken.

          The next action scene takes place in Malta in like an underground market. Owen and Claire stumble upon it, Claire goes to the bathroom, runs into a random lady, and happens to plead with her to help find her daughter. It’s such a stupid setup because of course this lady, a mercenary pilot, becomes one of our main players.

          This Malta scene really should’ve been the highlight of the movie, but all I can think about are the glaring flaws. The great Omar Sy helps our heroes find and trip some of the Biosyn baddies; here, Sy’s team points guns at Biosyn, and then Biosyn points their guns back. There’s yelling, then the camera cuts away, you hear a gunshot, and suddenly, everyone is scattered and allows for individual fights to happen. But that’s the thing. The writers think of a tense situation where you’ve trapped the bad guys, but because they can’t think of a plausible way for the action to continue, they just use editing and cutting to hope in the confusion you don’t pay attention to the fact that despite everyone standing close together with guns pointed, no one is injured and now we’re running after each other and punching each other because that’s more exciting than a gunfight that should’ve been over in 5 seconds. At one point a henchman catches on fire and gets eaten by a T-Rex. That’s fun stuff you would love to see, right? Well, they cut away after he catches on fire, and you only see him get eaten in the background of the next shot while the focus switches to other characters.

          Biosyn has some technology that I don’t understand, but basically, they point a laser pointer, and that triggers the dino’s tummy to tingle, so it’s like a homing beacon. Claire starts running away, falls out of a window, and literally lands in the back of the pilot’s jeep from earlier. The pilot went back to her plane, saw Claire’s daughter being led into a car, and decided that was enough motivation for her to drop everything and be the moral person to help these strangers out. Next thing you know, they’re at her plane ready to chase after Biosyn.

          Meanwhile, Owen takes a motorcycle and narrowly avoids the raptors among other dinos. The driving portion is mildly entertaining, but the CGI raptors are not quite there. Their movements feel floaty, so it isn’t believable whenever they run. Without any communication, Owen happens upon the pilot’s plane and is able to board safely just in the nick of time. This marks the end of the first half, and the rest takes place at Biosyn’s corporation.

          At the same time, Laura Dern’s Ellie Sattler and her botox decide to visit Dr. Grant. Classic Jurassic Park music plays, and the shots linger—hoping the pause is for the audience to clap that they paid these aging actors lots of money to return to a much-worse version of the franchise they used to be a part of. Ellie is in contact with Jeff Goldblum’s Dr. Ian Malcolm who has been teaching chaos principles to college kids at Biosyn’s campus. With an invitation from Malcolm, they take a plane to go visit and try to find evidence of Biosyn’s shady dealings.

          The very next portion of the film is infuriating. The plane starts failing and is going down. Claire has to eject and gets separated. The pilot and Owen end up crashing into an icy lake. When they come to, they feel surprised that they’re still alive. Snowflakes float down as they cautiously step onto the frozen lake and find a smaller dinosaur eyeing them. Keep in mind that Owen is wearing a long-sleeve shirt with the sleeves rolled up. At no point does he roll down the sleeves, acknowledge the cold, or we ever see his breath. Nothing feels authentic, and yes, I’m talking about a movie with real dinosaurs, but it takes away from the experience.

          It turns out this dinosaur likes to swim, so it dives underneath the surface, and our heroes make a run for it. Owen falls into the water as well, and then using his Starlord strength, he like literally jumps out of the water to avoid any attack. Again, they show him soaking wet, and they are able to make their escape. He doesn’t shiver, the freezing cold along with his wet clothes never comes back into play, and they disregard it altogether. This is also the perfect point to mention that the acting is completely phoned in. Chris Pratt looks like he’s having a miserable time in every scene, the villain goes for some weird tech CEO vibe, and none of the performances anywhere are much better.

          It must’ve warmed up that evening because the final dino battle takes place in the rain. Does it add a cool, dramatic effect? Yeah, I can admit that much. But even then, there isn’t any buildup to the final killblow, so we’re not even able to fully enjoy that either.

          Eventually, all of our heroes team up, find what they need, and try to escape with the evidence and the girl. It’s a formulaic process without surprises, humor, or any effort. Directed and co-written by Colin Treverrow, the dialogue is also terrible. Characters will say something either confusing or really cheesy, and this tends to prompt the character they’re speaking to to respond with, “What?” Just because you are self-aware enough to show that the line you wrote for your character is crazy doesn’t excuse the fact that you acknowledge and move on—especially when you do it multiple times. People also stumble over their lines in what I’m guessing is supposed to mimic realistic conversation, but instead it feels like the writers literally didn’t know how they wanted the character to finish their sentence, so they have them simply stop speaking mid-sentence instead. Some of these times I think it’s played for laughs; I gave a chuckle or two during the runtime (primarily whenever Goldblum was speaking), but the pacing, delivery, and editing of the lines is so bad that there wasn’t any laughter in the packed house I watched this movie in.

          There’s no overarching theme that the film has, and it didn’t know how to believably end. Ultimately, what makes Top Gun: Maverick the more successful box office hit is the character elements. We’re able to believe why Tom Cruise is back at Top Gun, and we feel the real stakes of the choices he and the fellow pilots have to make. We’re invested in their success. Here, they had to introduce so many elements that character arcs are thrown to the wayside. All plot elements and motivations are a stretch and how they end up together. The music is only good when it references the original. The effects are mostly good but wasted by the film. I will give props to the fact that some of the more stationary or smaller dinosaurs did appear to actually be animatronics, so that was a nice callback.

          It’s not like you’ll leave the theater mad about what you just watched. Rather, it’s simply disappointing to see how downhill the franchise is now from its ground-breaking original from the book of my favorite author Michael Crichton. There’s not a great selection of films currently out, but don’t bother with this one. If you want a true summer popcorn flick, go watch Top Gun: Maverick. I’m seriously considering watching it a second time just to wash the bad taste of this dino pee out of my mouth. How did that taste get in my mouth in the first place? It’s a reference to Jurassic Park 3 so hush up.

Top Gun: Maverick

 

Gillipedia Official Rating: Pulled 2.5 G’s writing this review. Inverted.

Score: 9/10

          Tom Cruise personally thanked me for going to watch this movie. Did it happen to play to the rest of the theater as well? Sure. But we all know the truth. Top Gun: Maverick reminds us of why we go to the theaters. It’s a form of escapism entertainment to watch movie stars perform the unimaginable. You can argue that the enhancement to visual effects over the last couple decades has allowed for even more creative freedom to craft the artistic vision from the director. But with novelty comes imitation and over saturation. Films like The Northman have its flaws, but there are still standout moments of shooting at real locations—not on a green screen at a studio. And Cruise’s insistence to only do this movie if using real planes and practical stunts where possible immerses the audience so much more than the rubbery looking CGI fights.

          But it takes more than a couple stunts for a film to remain memorable. Because at over two hours in length, this film has to pull us in and make us care about these characters for the action scenes to resonate. The story isn’t groundbreaking, but Maverick makes clever use of familial and internal conflicts to bring us characters that have stakes that we care about. When I first heard the news of this sequel years back, I honestly was just meh about it. The original Top Gun isn’t top tier Tom. Entertaining, sure, but not close to his best work. This was around a time where everything was being rebooted, revived, or sequelized. Simply bringing back characters and actors from the past and rehashing their stories isn’t enough and can feel like a money-grab… And then the first trailer dropped, and I was hooked.

          Before I drool over the F-18 plane sequences further, let’s talk about that character drama I was referencing earlier. Tom Cruise plays a Captain for the Navy. At least 4 characters throughout the film question why this old-timer either hasn’t retired, been dishonorably discharged for all his antics, or promoted further at this point in his career. And to the credit of this sequel releasing over three decades past the release of the original film, being a Captain is who Maverick is. He can’t seem to stick his roots either in his career or with a family. Despite this, he has close ties with Rooster—a Top Gun graduate and son of the late and former wingman Goose from the original. Rooster is played by Miles Teller, and despite their obvious ties, there’s a rift between him and Maverick that the film develops. Teller not only believably looks like the son of Goose, but he brings some heart to the role too. Maverick also reconnects with an old flame in Penny played by the stunning and ageless Jennifer Connelly. Penny runs a local bar and has a tween daughter smarter and more mature beyond her years.

          After flying too close to the Sun once again, Maverick returns to Top Gun to train the best of the best Top Gun graduates for a time-sensitive mission to destroy a nuclear facility in enemy territory. There is a note of finality to this mission, and with Rooster as one of the possible recruits for the mission, Maverick is torn between duty and the very real possibility that he might send an underprepared pilot to his death. Not only does the mere weeks’ timeframe add a sense of urgency to overarching plot of this mission, but Maverick has to contemplate what happens to his life professionally and personally with and after this mission. Again, not groundbreaking stuff, but it’s well developed and well utilized to make the suspenseful moments from the action sequences -ahem- soar.

          12 recruits are brought into Top Gun for Maverick to train, but only some will be chosen to actually fly for the mission. We get to know the call signs of each pilot; unfortunately, they don’t have much personality beyond that. These are pretty stock characters, jock type Hangman being the primary foil for our heroes. Their banter is fine, but the dialogue also isn’t the highlight of the film. But both Maverick’s training methods and the overall sense of camaraderie comes through in spades.

          The film doesn’t lean too much into glorifying moments from the original which is perfect. Iceman returns in a limited capacity. I also wasn’t aware that Val Kilmer is suffering lung cancer in real life, and both the way they fit that into the story as well as apparently using AI technology for his voice since he can’t really speak in real life either is impressive. What I appreciate most about the sequel is that everything makes sense. The plotlines and character arcs aren’t phoned in. It makes sense what path Maverick has taken over the years, and there’s enough plausibility to bring him back and connect the way he does. But with new technology and new characters, the film isn’t overly reliant on the past; in fact, seeing the original by no means is a prerequisite to enjoy this film. Also expect to hear music from the original but updated by Hans Zimmer. Really solid work; Lady Gaga also performs a song.

          Now the moment we’ve been waiting for. The action and stunts. Cruise designed a program to train the new actors on how to get used to the F-18’s they’d be flying for the film and how to handle all the force. There are cameras cleverly positioned in the cockpits, and we are treated to true aerial sequences. There’s a scene about two-thirds through where Maverick goes a bit rogue during a training sequence, and watching Cruise swerve left and right at dizzying speed is the kind of thrill I absolutely go nuts for at the movies. It’s the stuff that makes the price of admission 100% worth it. The entirety of the climax is some of the most suspenseful and thrilling action I’ve seen all year. Some of the action from say Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness was fine, and all the action involving Scarlet Witch was a blast, but it never had me on the edge of my seat like this movie did. There is power in authenticity. Tom Cruise is abundantly aware that I am buying a ticket to watch this old man perform insane stunts. I will watch all genres of films and appreciate craft, but I am partial to real stunts. Essentially, I am partial to Tom Cruise.

          I’ve already been treated to great action from Everything Everywhere All at Once and The Batman from this year, so I won’t make any hasty proclamations, but Top Gun: Maverick has my vote of confidence in recommending to see it in theaters. With recent Mission Impossible director Christopher McQuarrie coming in to help produce this film, you know you’re in good hands. It makes me very happy to see this film succeed so well at the box office—especially with the countless delays due to Covid. I get Mission Impossible for the next couple of years, but I don’t know how many more Cruise years I have left. Savor what you have, ladies and gentlemen. Watch this movie in theaters and be prepared to be entertained. God bless America.

 

Bonus Review

Men

Gillipedia Official Rating: They’re the worst

          From Ex Machina and Annihilation director Alex Garland comes a new A24 slow-burning horror film Men. After the tragic and unexpected death of her husband whom she recently just separated from, Harper travels to the English countryside to get away from the stresses of life. She rents a house from a quirky Englishman and interacts with other members of town. Er, interacts isn’t the right word. More like she has encounters with men in the town that have an underlying feeling of something off, but nothing noticeable or grave enough to take much action. And as you may guess, this culminates toward a finale. And since this is Alex Garland and A24, that climax is a doozy. It’s one of the strangest sequences in recent memory.

          In some regards this film is reminiscent of Midsommar, but it also feels like Garland pushing the boundary of metaphorical storytelling further than the crazy climax in Annihilation. It’s interesting, but it’s been over a week since I saw this film, and I still don’t have a full grasp on it. For those familiar with other A24 works or the above mentioned films, you might have appropriate expectations. There’s not going to be jump scares or needless gore; rather, there’s unnerving sequences, solid filmmaking, and it’s punctuated by an at-times gruesome, at-times downright confusing climax.

          Our star is Jessie Buckley. I’m not familiar with her, but she is strong-willed, yet also incredibly emotionally vulnerable considering the traumatic events that just transpired in her life. She’s the sort of female character I love seeing portrayed. She’s not a simple damsel in distress, but she’s also not a plain Captain Marvel that has no weaknesses or personality. This film relies on the strength of the star, and she shines well.

          My interpretation is this film addressing victim blaming. At each turn as the events become stranger and more dangerous, Harper is continuously dismissed by the men around her. The quirky Englishman Geoffrey might be an ally, and her best friend whom she FaceTimes throughout is a comforting ear. But this also isn’t preachy and “taking sides” in terms of whatever political platform people want to jump on. I think it’s an exaggeration of a perfectly plausible situation and works well in a relatable manner.

          It isn’t nearly as dreary as Midsommar and has a breezy runtime well under 2 hours; however, the slow burn can still feel a little too slow at times. We only receive a couple embers of horror before the climax, and I would’ve liked to see more flames flickering. The climax is of course the highlight, and it has very memorable and gnarly moments. Like, very tiny spoiler, but the way a character has a hand torn and ripped up and how it still comes into play later on is one of the grossest but most innovative things I’ve seen. But there’s also some weird metaphors that didn’t land with me, and a very, very bizarre end that makes sense but is nasty in a way I don’t think I really needed to see.

          There’s something to be said about how the vast majority of this film could be done on a really small budget. Compelling characters, a visionary director, and a consistent tone are the only ingredients you really need for this type of horror film. I also have no idea outside of visual effects how some of the sequences at the end could’ve been done, but that’s something else entirely. Unlike the above review, I won’t be recommending this film. In a bit of hypocrisy, I actually enjoyed it. But there’s still more I think it could’ve done and didn’t have to try to be so arthouse at the end. It’s not the style of film that appeals to a wide audience—which is on brand for any A24 film really. But there’s lots to appreciate, including the willingness and creativity to be different.