Mulan + A Bonus Review

 

Gillipedia Official Rating: Glad I didn’t spend $30 to watch this

          Sweating more than an engineer in an English class, Disney execs were hard at work to figure out how they could recoup all the production costs for their live-action update of Mulan set to hit theaters back in March to satisfy the stockholders. After multiple delays the solution was to bring the film to the Disney+ streaming service. But this was way too big a movie to simply release straight to a monthly service. Films like Trolls World Tour paved the way for films to still make money in 2020—on-demand. Not only did a person have to have a subscription for Disney+, but they would also have to hand over an extra $30 to the mouse himself ($20 was the price for Trolls). I’m here to say that even gathering a group of 5-10 to watch Mulan wouldn’t make that price point worth it. Hearing that the film would stream for free on the service probably in December, I gladly waited to watch it. To be fair I wasn’t all that excited for the film to begin with just because of all the fatigue I already have from these unnecessary updated remakes, but alas. Here we are. I’ve watched Mulan. Read this review so that you don’t have to. This is not a good film by any standard.

          There’s a couple different complaints that will be recurring throughout, so I’ll address them here and then give some examples down the road as we progress through the story. First and foremost, the editing is atrocious. Some of this I believe is on the filmmakers and not just on the editors, but it’s bad no matter who is to blame. The film is chopped up in pieces where a single action may require 4-5 cuts, and it’s so jarring. What I wonder about is the footage shot in some scenes. If what the filmmakers got in a day wasn’t any good, then the editor now has to somehow hide it while still showing what happens so the movie can go on. So I’m under the impression that at least for some shots, the editors looked at the footage they were given, said f this, and added 17 cuts and moved on.

          The other sin Mulan continuously makes is what The Rise of Skywalker suffered from. Mulan comes in just under 2 hours, and to reach that time limit, character development is thrown to the wind in favor of story beats and exposition. This is most glaring with Mulan’s fellow soldiers. While the animated film had clearly defined characters, everyone outside the 4 most important characters here are practically nameless faces that serve to try to provide comic relief and support. The end result is a film pretty to look at, but without any substance or technical prowess. Let’s see where exactly things went wrong.

          Well first let’s address the lack of dragon in the room, there’s no Mushu. Considering the poor attempts at comedy the film does make in an otherwise DC-esque serious film, Mushu probably would’ve felt out of place. But then again, he’s also most likely the element that the film was in desperate need of. Li Shang is also gone, split into a decent love interest fellow soldier and a traditional commander.

          From the very first scene, another new element to this film is the addition of chi. I have no idea why Mulan decides it needs a Force power, but okay. For whatever reason Mulan is born with an extraordinary amount of chi, something typically reserved for warriors. And just like how I felt Rey shouldn’t need to be a Palpatine to justify her powers instead of, you know, being born out of nothing and simply becoming something (tiny apology from me for that Rise of Skywalker spoiler by the way), now Mulan doesn’t feel like this empowering message where she works just as hard if not harder to show her worth; she still works hard, but it feels less important knowing that she simply was born with lots of chi to help her out.

          Early on Mulan goes to the Matchmaker of their village with her family to pour some tea and find a husband. It feels like they tried to emulate My Fair Lady where the scene builds up in a way that ends with a big joke, but it all just falls flat. She uses the pot to trap a spider, but Old Hag Matchmaker doesn’t see the spider and demands the pot be brought back to the middle of the table. Mulan finally relents, the spider is released, Matchmaker flips the table in hysteria, and all the silverware breaks. Maybe this came off as hilarious to people and I’m just a cynic, but this didn’t land with me. It’s also one of only a few attempts of humor in the film. So strap in for a fun ride.

          If you’re somehow not familiar with the story, the Rouran are the new bad guys instead of the Huns and are looking to invade China and reach the emperor. The emperor declares a creed for one man from every family to fight, and Mulan secretly takes her father’s place. The film proceeds to switch between the training camp for soldiers with Mulan, and the Rouran with baddies Bori Khan and the witch Xianniang. I do have to give credit here where there’s some really nice landscape shots, and the production design of the sets and costumes is really beautiful. But that’s really where the praise ends. One of the first scenes is the Rouran destroying a village, and one prominent shot from the trailer is them running up a wall and the camera is sideways. This technique of turning the camera sideways, like when shooting on an iPhone and switching from landscape to portrait, looks really neat here, but it gets overplayed the next 3 times it’s done.

          In one expositional scene, Bori Khan is saying something, and one of his henchman is ambitious enough to show defiance. When he speaks he’s hunched over and sitting, so of course we have to have a cut to him now sitting upright and moving to stand up. For one thing this is bad from a continuity standpoint, but it’s just one of many examples of unnecessary cuts. Like why couldn’t he say his line and -get this- stand up in the same shot? Similarly, there’s a scene in the barracks where Mulan and the soldiers are enjoying lunch and cracking jokes. One joke gets everyone to laugh, so the film proceeds to cut 4-5 times to show each person during the duration of the laughs. This was particularly jarring, and again, did they not have a wide shot they could’ve shown or just cut once or twice? It’s hard for the film to find any flow or rhythm when it’s constantly being broken up.

          The duration of Mulan’s time at the training camp is probably the closest the film tries harkening back to the original. A couple scenarios are played for laughs, such as Mulan entering the barracks at night where all the men are in various states of undress, and one plumpy fellow gets his towel ripped off. I don’t think Mulan’s actress does anything particularly wrong, but the timing is off, so again, I put that on the filmmakers. Keep in mind that there are so many scenes that there isn’t much time spent in any of them. Everything goes from point A to B without taking time in between, and it takes away any emotional weight from the characters or story. Like we spend 2 minutes around a campfire where a joke or two is told but not learning any backstory from the characters, the next scene shows a pile of helmets and bodies strewn across a battlefield, and the characters take one somber glance and move on.

          So at this point we’ve probably only covered about half the film. And while watching the movie, the most prominent feeling I had at this point was simply of boredom. I think my opinion of the film can be summed up as it being fine to have on while you complete chores around the house. Paying attention to the story isn’t very important with nothing complex going on, so it’s fine to have it play in the background and check in once and while without being invested in the stakes.

          Oh hey, I did think of another compliment to give. There’s a scene with the Rouran on horseback, and in order to fight against the Chinese behind them, they perform this cool move where they touch the ground with their feet and immediately jump up and flip over so that they’re riding but now facing backward. That was a cool stunt. But to give an example of the nonsensical action, there’s another scene with shades from the original where the Rouran are on higher ground. The witch lady turned into 1000 bats or something and attack the Chinese, forcing them to group together. The enemies bring a catapult and start launching flaming boulders with pinpoint accuracy. Mulan sees that her comrades, her battle buddies, her peas in a pod if you will, her ride or dies, her friends of the boy variety are in danger. She notices a mountainside with built up snow behind the Rouran and knows that even though she is currently in front of them, she needs to sneak behind the Rouran. One shot shows her jumping on her horse and grabbing a helmet. Then, literally in the next shot, wham bam shang-a-lang, she’s now behind them. Cue the white guy blinking and shaking his head meme because how did that just happen? That’s not even the last dumb thing to happen. She fires some arrows at them, and they shoot a boulder at her, but they got a little excited because they over crank that catapult by a long shot, and the boulder goes flying behind Mulan and causes an avalanche. What’s worse than it not making sense is the simple fact that it’s just not entertaining. It’s just watered down moments from the original but now in live-action and bloated.

          Let’s just move on to the climax because I can’t take too much more. The emperor falls for a trap, and the next 5 movie seconds I blame on the filmmakers and not the editor. There are Rouran soldiers above the emperor, and they shoot arrows with rope around the emperor. They run around the rooftop, and the next shot is the emperor helplessly being tied up. It’s very quick, but it’s still clearly not an action that then correlates to the next. It’s like they have an idea for the action, and the producers ask, “Well, how do you plan on filming this?” And the director replied with, “We’ll figure it out.”

          Spoiler alert for the following paragraph. Like you care. But now I have plausible deniability that I warned you. Anyways. When the witch lady dies, I honestly gave out a slight chuckle. Bori Khan shoots an arrow at Mulan, and witch lady transforms into an eagle to take the arrow. First off, I don’t know why Mulan’s chi would fail her here, but since they gave witch lady a redemption arc, she obviously couldn’t be alive at the end and somehow had to be a sacrifice. The part that got me was the shot where they obviously told the Mulan actress to feign catching a dying eagle. She’s running and she reaches out her arms and it’s simply not well executed. It’s also, again, super quick and deprived of emotional weight.

          A lot of people have already made fun of the final swordfight between Mulan and Bori Khan, so I won’t spend too long, but yeah, it’s bad. There’s lots of grunting, Mulan loses her sword in a way that doesn’t make sense, and the whole thing is cut to death. There’s also a faux death so that Mulan can do one last backflip chi kick.

          The biggest moment of conflict probably came when Mulan came out as a woman and she was kicked out of the army. She leaves, talks to the witch for a scene, realizes the emperor is in trouble, then heads back to camp to warn them. After the commander threatens her with death, her fellow soldiers, her brother-in-arms, her brothers from other mothers, her entourage, her co-workers that she gladly converses with but wouldn’t necessarily hang out with in a social setting, unite in Spartacus fashion, and everyone teams up again. If this movie were a dish, it would be tartare, which is fine, but what was needed was a stew constantly simmering. Look, bad metaphors aside, this film fails on most levels. I was surprised to see this film still hold a 73% certified fresh rating on Rotten Tomatoes, but the 49% audience score is more telling. Maybe you’ll watch this film and enjoy it. And that’s fine. If the original Mulan didn’t exist, I could see this film potentially being hailed for the progressive move of its representation and culturally accurate cast; however, there are two things wrong with this thought. For one thing I think the film falls fatally short of providing positive messaging, in particular because of the inclusion of chi, but I also recently watched Ralph Breaks the Internet and that film showcased its message 1000x better than this film. The second thing wrong is the fact that there already is a Mulan film that exists, and it is far superior to this one. Even the credits in this update are too long and bloated at 12 minutes long. If you want to watch a film like Mulan, go watch something like Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon. Or heck, butter me up and call me a biscuit, slap some buns on me and call me a burger, make it way too much effort for the small amount of meat I provide and call me a crawfish because darn tootin’ if I’m not crazy, there’s already an amazing animated film called Mulan that you can go watch.

 

Bonus Review time. Uh ya welcome

Bandersnatch

Gillipedia Official Rating: Make a choice to choose a different movie

          Apparently, there is over 5 hours of footage that can be discovered from watching this special interactive Black Mirror episode on Netflix. But after spending over an hour with it and viewing I think 4 of the 5 possible endings, I didn’t have any desire to see my character choose the other brand of cereal instead. Now this would be different if I knew there were more wildly branching paths to discover, but I’m confident I already watched the bulk of the content needed to see, and I’m disappointed.

          Bandersnatch is an interactive movie where you’re presented with 2 options for the main character to choose between at various points in the story, ranging in importance like what music to listen to on a bus to deciding if your character or someone else jumps off a building. Many of these choices quickly lead to a “game over” type of scenario, but the film eases the need of having to restart by letting you immediately choose the other option. I didn’t try too hard to make the right choices, but even then, it felt like I still did a pretty bad job of which choice to make. For example, after the character gets frustrated over their game glitching, you can hit the computer or pour tea over it, one of which results in a game over.

          I should also preface all this by saying this story takes place in 1984 where the main character is a 19-year-old introvert who is programming a video game with branching paths. He successfully pitches his game to a company, and he has a deadline to complete it. Other main characters include his off-putting dad, a well-meaning therapist, and the always fun Will Poulter who plays a famous video game programmer that seems to already be aware of parallel pathways.

          Since the game your character is making deals with narrative paths itself, it’s clear pretty early on that the film is going to show parallels between what you are doing as well as the character. What could be fun meta honestly turns into too on-the-nose awareness as well as a story that doesn’t fully satisfy. After having seen about 2 of the endings, I was convinced I had simply gone down a bad path at some point and would just need to go in a different direction. That’s not the case. All endings relatively revolve around similar concepts, and even simply just reaching most endings will leave you with a sense of, “Wait, that’s it?”

          There are some good moments. Following Will Poulter back to his place leads to an interesting scene full of pointless ramblings, when the character starts becoming aware that he’s not in control of everything he does, there’s some fun options, and a later scene with the therapist goes in a crazy direction that somehow manages to still feel right. And scenes that you may encounter again will change slightly based on previous actions (or actions you took later and now have returned to that scene).

          I think part of my disappointment is the whole concept of the story that is aware that you are making choices, but even then you’re limited to what is presented in front of you. I would’ve been perfectly fine with a more traditional story that simply differed based on choices I made. But since this is Black Mirror, there are illusions everywhere and only hints of social commentary. The end result is a quick story that doesn’t really have any satisfying ending, and sadly, the journey to get there is underwhelming as well. For all the philosophical nonsense spewed forth about free will and choice, Bandersnatch isn’t able to achieve what has been done so much better by some video games like Detroit: Become Human and Until Dawn that feature butterfly effects for the choices made and characters affected. For something that won an Emmy for Television Movie and seemed really novel and neat, this is a soft pass for me.

 

In Brief:

• Christopher Nolan voiced criticism against Warner Bros. for announcing that all of their releases for 2021 will also stream on HBO Max, but I think it’s a move that makes sense for the upcoming year for both the studio and the blossoming streaming service. I understand Nolan’s views on the moviegoing experience, a sentiment I supported as I went to see Tenet in IMAX, but this comes as a necessary move for an industry that’s been rocked by the virus. It also helps that I currently have access to HBO Max, so you better believe I’ll be watching films like Wonder Woman 1984 and Dune from the comfort of my home.
• As I mentioned in Mulan, I recently watched Ralph Breaks the Internet. Some really good jokes there, an interesting message, and fun Easter eggs makes this an animated film worth watching even if it is flawed in a couple areas.
• You can also probably expect me to watch Pixar’s newest film Soul that I believe streams on Disney+ on Christmas. Have to catch up on their latest couple films.
• At some point I will carve out time to re-watch and rank all Marvel films.
• Watched Aaron Sorkin’s The Trial of the Chicago 7 on Netflix. Sorkin knows he has a way with dialogue, so this should be a slam dunk from the guy who wrote my favorite movie A Few Good Men. It’s entertaining, but it doesn’t leave much impact ultimately.

Underwater

 

Gillipedia Official Rating: Alien and Life meets the Mariana Trench, and none of it is very good

          We go back to the blissfully ignorant period that was January 2020 for this film. The biggest meme about the Rona was having Corona cans wearing a mask and having a Bud Light socially distance itself in the fridge. Anyways, enough down memory lane. Underwater came out in January, and apparently nobody decided to go see it. All in all, probably a rare smart call from the American public. This movie isn’t great. Grab your gear because it’s time to make a bunch of bad water puns and deep dive into this review.

          The opening credits are newspaper clippings and whatnot detailing this drilling rig at the deepest part of the ocean, pretty basic backstory stuff like that—all so they don’t have to bother explaining anything through the characters. The first shot is a somewhat impressive look at the pipe that travels seemingly endlessly into the pitch-black depths below before reaching the bottom where the crew is situated. And if you recall the trailer at all, this is where we find main star Kristen Stewart going for the shaved head and glasses look to dramatically brush her teeth. She spews off some dumb internal monologue about a cynical world, and the next thing we know, the rig starts blowing up.

          As water seeps in and things crash down, Stewart is able to find some crew and shut themselves off from the compromised areas. It should be worth noting here that Stewart loses her glasses in the opening sequence, and I thought they might make some conflict happen about how she can barely see. But it’s never addressed again, so no need to worry there.

          We soon run into shirtless TJ Miller, and he mentions some throwaway line about the company drilling too deep and probably hitting a tectonic plate. He also provides some comedic relief, like his obsession with his stuffed bunny, but that’s the extent of his character.

          None of the characters here are remotely interesting and venture anywhere beyond their prototypical roles. We have a captain that doesn’t like to talk about his past but leads the way with an iron heart, a girl that is completely overwhelmed by the situation and will gladly let everyone else do the heavy lifting before finally deciding to contribute right near the end of the film when most characters are already dead, and she also has a love interest or something that tags along. 

          These characters fit into their roles immediately, occasionally say a line or two to each other, and then start moving to the next location. Character development isn’t what the movie relies on. Oh, and Kristen Stewart comes across as a strange choice for the lead. She does a decent job of portraying some inner anxiety while trudging forward, but nothing about her character really ever screams leading protagonist—except that she has a kind heart. There’s also probably five moments throughout the film where she very clearly should’ve died, but she had to live because she’s the protagonist.

          As far as story beats go, I guess some areas weren’t accessible, making the only possible route to survival a base a mile across the ocean floor. I’m not positive because the dialogue is inaudible about 20% of the time. I believe for the most part, the captain says oh we can’t go here because bad, so we must go here even though dangerous. And everyone is pretty much like, you’re the cap, capt’n, let’s go. As lazy as the writing is for the characters, it’s even worse about providing tangible motivation for the characters to move from one location to another. For instance, about 40 minutes in it becomes clear that there’s some crazy, alien sea creature following them, but none of them ever really question going down a tunnel that has become half-flooded with water.

          And speaking of the creatures in this film, they’re weird. It’s a strange merman hybrid, and it pales significantly to Alien and to the highly underrated Alien-inspired film Life. And as a minor spoiler, the movie moves to a ridiculous climax where the characters run into the boss battle basically—an enormous sea creature that comes out of nowhere.

          Part of why I didn’t care for the creatures is how the action scenes are shot. I want to give high praise for all the times the characters are in their bulky suits (that of course are too slim for them to wear pants in, so they have to strip to their undies) and traverse in the water. Seeing all the particles floating through the beams of their flashlights looks really good. It also truly feels like they don’t have any vision except for the lights in front of them, but this also becomes a bit of a detriment. The filmmakers were determined to hardly let the audience ever view the creatures, so all the action scenes quickly jump around in the dark waters, and it’s difficult to make out any of what happens. There’s a scene in the latter half where for a solid 2 minutes during the action, I genuinely did not know what had happened.

          I have so many questions, but I don’t think the filmmakers thought long enough to cover any plot discrepancies. The motivations of the characters and creatures didn’t really connect with me. Like, Stewart tries having a bit of a heart-to-heart with scared chick later in the film; and it sounds like the making of a tender moment, but they were also still trudging along the bottom of the sea floor where all the creatures were still lurking. Of course, they weren’t in any real danger because there wasn’t dramatic music playing, but that’s not something the characters would be aware of. I’m also still not convinced that there wasn’t an easier way back to the surface, and I thought at the beginning it said there was a crew of like 300. They threw a couple numbers out there at the beginning, but I don’t know what happened to all the other employees. Which leads to one of the bigger—and more deliberate—question marks: the company funding this expedition. I believe the gist of it is that this corporation = bad guys. Some of the clippings suggest that they possibly knew about the creatures and didn’t do anything about it, but I don’t know. Typically, the motivation comes down to greed, but it’s hard to piece that together from the clues they give. The point here is that I don’t understand what the safety protocols would’ve been for such a large venture to just suddenly become 70% compromised, killing many employees.

          Scared chick also has one of the dumbest lines I’ve heard in recent memory around the middle of the film. Something about how we made Mother Nature mad, and now she’s fighting back. There’s just too many bad moments to justify whatever entertainment value this creature flick garners from its fine claustrophobic premise. If you’re looking for something that does Alien justice, I can’t recommend Life enough. The creature is menacing, the cast is top-notch, and it has great visuals and thrills.

 

In Brief:

• I think I have an idea on what to do for the next review. Stay tuned.
• Possibly one of the most important notes ever in the in brief section, I was scouring the internet and came across some music that almost everyone has heard before but undoubtedly have no idea what it’s from. Look up “The Mighty Rio Grande” by This Will Destroy You.

Tenet

 

Gillipedia Official Rating: Blockbusters are back, baby

          Before Regal theaters shut down temporarily, I took advantage of the biggest screen—IMAX—and watched Christopher Nolan’s newest film Tenet. Anyone who knows me will surely realize how excited I was to see this film. Let me start off by saying this isn’t my favorite Nolan film. But just because I don’t think it’s his best work doesn’t mean that this isn’t an epically impressive, thinking man’s film people have come to associate with his work. There’s time manipulation, impressive action set pieces, and a whole lot of spectacle. It’s time to dive in both forwards and backwards.

          The less you know about this film, the better. Just so you’re not completely lost, the basic plot of this film is John David Washington (Denzel’s son and star of BlackKklansman) is the protagonist as a CIA agent who gets caught up with a Russian arms dealer played by Kenneth Branagh who has discovered a machine that reverses the way an object experiences time by inverting its entropy. It’s a little confusing, but a small example is that lil Denzel has a fight scene, and the other guy is fighting in reverse. If that’s hard to imagine, strap in because the film only gets crazier from there.

          As far as the cast goes, Washington is a great choice for the lead. An ex-football player, he has the suave of a country-hopping spy, but Nolan makes full use of his physicality as well as he dashes his way through action scenes. Robert Pattinson plays a mysterious but helpful side player, and if you’re still somehow someone that only associates him with Twilight and can’t wrap your spandex around him as the next Batman, you clearly haven’t seen his other work. Yes, this is him in another big blockbuster film, but he has garnered an impressive resume since his sparkling days and is a devoted actor.

          Branagh teams up with Nolan again after Dunkirk and doesn’t break new ground as the villain, but he’s solid overall. Elizabeth Debicki deserves a big shoutout for her performance, and Michael Caine even receives a warm sendoff. And I hope this is his last film too because he looks old in his film and needs to retire.

          As I said from the start, this isn’t Nolan’s best. But it is his most ambitious. Jam packed full of set pieces including one that includes crashing an actual plane, Nolan always knows how to impress. The fact that he uses practical effects wherever possible is how things should be done because the scale simply can’t be replicated through a green screen, and it’s a driving force as to why this movie needs to be seen on the biggest screen possible.

          From a technical standpoint, I truly have no idea how this movie was made. People familiar with past works like Inception and Memento will recognize that he played around with time back then, and he uses this film as a way to see how far he can push things. The visual effects and especially the storyboarding, and subsequently the editing, must have presented an incredible challenge. So as not to spoil anything, I’ll only refer back to the fight scene where Washington is fighting linearly while the other guy is fighting in reverse.

          This is a long film, and things move pretty fast between quickly explaining the rules of the reverse entropy machine as well as moving to new action scenes. You’ll have to take some things at face value and go along for the ride, albeit a little confused, for the first half. Once the second half hits, and particularly the final third, the story comes together in a mostly satisfying way. I wouldn’t call it predictable by any means, but you do learn to start looking for things to pop up. There won’t be any Shyamalan twists to shock you, but the final 20 minutes is an absolute joy to watch.

          There’s no Hans Zimmer for this film, and even considering the pipe organs he used in Interstellar, I’d say this is the biggest departure of what to expect for a score in a Nolan film. There’s some nice synth vibes that keeps the intensity going, and I’d be curious to find out if some of the score is played in reverse, but it’s nothing spectacular overall.

          I was a little surprised by the violence in this film. There’s hardly any blood, but there are a couple brutal moves that provide visceral moments in early fight scenes. I think it does fit and continues the theme of Nolan pushing the boundaries of how filmmaking is approached. If you’re fine being a little confused and having to focus for 2 ½ hours, you need to see this film. And if it’s possible to see this safely in theaters, I can’t recommend doing so enough. Having gone a whole summer without blockbusters and continuing to hear about all the delays for other films I’ve been looking forward to, it felt amazing to go watch this movie. I most certainly have a bias towards Christopher Nolan films, but this is another movie of his that I will absolutely have to revisit to see what I can catch on a second watch.

          Also, of course even the title Tenet works on a palindromic level for the film, and the only title I could come up with for a potential sequel is 2 Tenet 2. It’s a work in progress, okay?

 

In Brief:

I fully expect Tenet to be nominated for an Oscar for editing or visual effects because I truly still have no idea how this film was made. From both a technical and spectacle level, it’s mind-blowing.

Some of the previews were fun to watch simply to see how the trailers would say like “Coming soon to theaters in August.” Yeah, that didn’t happen. But the boost in sound quality in an IMAX theater got me hyped up even during the previews.

Since everything is delayed, I have no idea when things will be released, but it doesn’t seem like anything else big will be coming soon. Wonder Woman 1984 might be the next biggest film set to release? Anyways, it doesn’t look like I’ll be back at the theaters soon, but come 2021 and 2022, I will do my best to support films and theaters as best I can.

The Invisible Man is Very Good

         G ll p d    ff c  l R t ng: Y   c n’t s   m 

    The Invisible Man starring Elizabeth Moss of Mad Men and The Handmaid’s Tale fame unfortunately came out at the beginning of March earlier this year. It made the most of the couple of weeks it was in theaters and then capitalized with the on-demand home market, but I don’t think it reached as many people as it could have. And that’s a shame because this is simply a well-made, tense, thrilling film. Let’s discuss.

          I absolutely love the opening of this film. The title credits are cleverly invisible and only briefly appear when waves crash over them. We switch to a dark and beautiful interior of a beach house where Moss and boyfriend Adrian are asleep. Without any dialogue or backstory, we’re dropped in this suspenseful moment where we know enough to realize the stakes—Moss is in an abusive relationship and has to escape. It’s not easy considering all the measures that tech mogul Adrian has implemented, but Moss manages to leave, and her sister drives off with Moss in her car.

          Oh, we’ve reached a new paragraph where I should move on to a new topic. Well, I’m not done praising this sequence. Director Leigh Whannell, who previously impressed me with Upgrade, isn’t afraid to go against convention. The only sound during Moss’s escape is the waves crashing, and we never get close-up shots. Not only does this show the beautiful production design, but it also forces the viewer to worry that something might be lurking around the corner and we just can’t see it yet.

          Okay fine, we can move on now. Moss stays at her sister’s boyfriend’s house (played by the great Aldis Hodge that some people may have watched in the show Underground). Hiding out and refusing to step outside, it’s not too long until Moss’s sister comes with news that Adrian has committed suicide. Just as Moss finally begins the process of moving on from the constraints of this relationship, she can’t help the feeling that Adrian is still there somehow. Without Aldis Hodge or the star of A Wrinkle in Time noticing any presence, Moss is slowly more and more tormented by the ever-growing presence of a somehow invisible Adrian. These sequences work really well too because in any given wide shot where Moss goes about daily activities, you think Adrian might be there, but you don’t know for sure. And if he is there, you don’t know where.

          The unrest grows and -spoiler alert- stuff happens. The film spends a little too much time in the middle of the film dealing with a sleep-deprived Moss that looks utterly crazy because she knows Adrian is still alive and no one believes her. I will say that she ends up at a psychiatric ward, but I won’t talk about anything else because the film picks back up and is great again.

          This film is R-rated, but it doesn’t rely on gore or cheap jump scares. There’s true tension in wondering where Adrian is, and he proves to be a menacing presence. Both Moss and Hodge are great, and I thoroughly recommend this film to anyone looking for some good thrills. Considering all the delayed releases and the fact that I haven’t been able to watch Tenet yet, this might be my favorite movie of the year so far.

 

In Brief:

I watched Last Christmas. Henry Golding is effortlessly charming and there’s some good moments, but this is pretty middle-of-the-road fare.

Will Smith does a good job in his earlier work in Ali, but the film is also a little bloated. But it’s still a quality film.

I actually just recently watched School of Rock for the first time, and I wish I had seen it sooner because it was so good.

Pretty sure Mulan will be streaming without a price tag on Disney+ in like November or December, so if you were able to wait through its initial delay, I don’t see why you couldn’t also wait for it now because no way am I paying $30 on top of a subscription. Also wasn’t too excited for the film to begin with partly due to huge Disney live-action fatigue.

Lights Out

Gillipedia Official Rating: Mediocrity at its finest

          I remember this film being released right around the same time as Don’t Breathe. It’s this latter film that really made waves, but I always thought the concept of Lights Out was just so good. Like with The Departed, It Follows, and In Time, there are just some films that start off with really cool ideas. And while those first two films follow through on their execution, I would file Lights Out near In Time in a folder labelled “Wasted Potential.” 

          Lights Out follows a young boy and his older sister as they deal with their depressed mother trapped by some sort of entity that has such an extreme sensitivity to light that it only can be seen in the dark. A horror villain that can only hurt you in the dark brings about memories of A Nightmare on Elm Street where the danger really only feels tangible at night. But with unlikable characters determined to make the oft-parodied horror film sin of making dumb decisions, this film loses interest fast and doesn’t make up enough ground to recover fully.

          One thing I quickly want to give credit for is not making the villain totally supernatural. They try to explain some science to justify the “demon’s” appearance, which is laughable, but it’s nice that this isn’t simply some evil being that toys with the important characters until the final twenty minutes of the film. I won’t give more away about the backstory, but it’s not anything all too interesting ultimately.

          Produced by horror moneymaker James Wan, this film starts off with the stepdad of the main characters being -surprise- killed by our dark demon. Yes, we learn that he was trying to research how to help the mother (played by Maria Bello), but the stepdad starts the trend of bad decisions, so his death doesn’t affect us much. The biggest star here is the older sister played by Teresa Palmer, and while she redeems herself somewhat later on, she starts off super cliched and unlikable—but at least her boyfriend is consistent throughout.

          Outside of a decent action scene where the demon comes in and out against the backdrop of a flashing neon sign, this film is extremely dull early on. The gist is that the younger brother starts seeing the demon and can’t get much sleep, and this causes friction between the sister and the mother. The mystery of the demon isn’t compelling, and since there’s only the core group of characters to deal with, the stakes don’t feel very high for the middle chunk of the film.

          There’s some cool shots that can mostly be seen from the trailer, but there’s not much outside of that. The climax is a pretty entertaining ride; however, two cops come to help out and my goodness. It’s the most frustrated I’ve been with movie characters in quite some time. The characters are yelling to the cops all kind of useful information like telling them to use their flashlights, and the cops completely ignore them, don’t say a word, and blindly head into the dark for easy kills. Like, okay, the film needed a boost in death count, but these movie cops are some of the absolute worst.

          Don’t Breathe isn’t the best horror film out there, but there’s a reason why it was more talked about. Lights Out still made great money off its modest budget and PG-13 rating, but that also brings about the point that it’s tame in many regards. You can still be atmospheric and creepy like Insidious or go all-in on the jump scares like The Woman in Black, but Lights Out doesn’t really embrace much at all. It’s not all clichés, but the parts that are clichés are frustrating and close to unforgivable. If you want some scary fun, the best movie that comes to mind of recent memory is Crawl.

 

In Brief:

• I’ll withhold my thoughts on Birds of Prey for now in case I do a review, but what you need to know here is that it ain’t that good. And I was rooting for it to be good.
• Richard Jewell is well-acted, Kathy Bates in particular, but it also just doesn’t have quite enough story to stay compelling all the way through. But this talkie was pretty good.
• The Way Back is really good and that much more compelling knowing Ben Affleck’s personal connection with the story. This has basketball, but this is a movie about addiction and recovery.
• I watched Side Effects from way back and have very mixed feelings over it. I think it goes one twist too far, but Rooney Mara is great.
• Jojo Rabbit has some funny moments, but they’re much fewer and far between than I would expect from a Taika Waititi film. But very reminiscent of Moonrise Kingdom.

Water for Elephants

 

Gillipedia Official Rating: Robert Pattinson can’t escape love triangles

          In the midst of Team Edward vs. Team Jacob fever, Robert Pattinson decided to bat for both teams by playing Jacob Jankowski in the circus film Water for Elephants. There’s elements of the farm work from films like Days of Heaven and Of Mice and Men early on, but the film takes a more fantastical approach about halfway through once the animals become the stars of the show. There’s some impressive filmmaking shots and even good acting on display, but the driving force becomes the complicated nature of the relationship among Pattinson, sweetheart Reese Witherspoon, and Christoph Waltz who only knows how to switch gears between kind-hearted and intense.

          After his humble parents die in a car crash, Pattinson abandons veterinary law and wanders along without a goal or purpose in sight. He boards a passing train in the dead of the night only to realize that it’s the train carrying all the workers for Waltz’s Benzini Bros. travelling circus company. Instead of being thrown off, old-timer Camel sees Pattinson’s potential and finds work for him. It doesn’t take long before he locks eyes with Witherspoon before being warned about crossing Waltz and his wife. Pattinson takes a liking to the whole show, but he notices that one of the current star horses has a disease in its hoof and will have to be put down. In need of a new starring act to drive ticket sales, Waltz buys an elephant and puts Pattinson in charge of its caretaking.

          In the circus are some side acts like the heaviest woman and tattooed lady, but there’s animals like lions that make an appearance. Anytime the movie has the introverted Pattinson interacting with these animals is when the film is at its best. The film also has the benefit of likable side characters to support the main three stars. What the film tends to lack is compelling drama or real stakes. Pattinson’s rise through the circus ranks is quick, and it has to balance developing a love story around turning Waltz into a formidable antagonist. And as he has shown multiple times in his career, Waltz knows how to turn on the evil. But the circus and the Waltz and the pleasant 30s setting all sit in the nosebleeds for Pattinson and Witherspoon.

          As far as love triangles go, this isn’t terrible. I mean, it’s not what I was rooting for in this movie, but it’s well-crafted for what it is. And there’s plenty of smirk and jaw line from Pattinson to keep the motors running.

          Water for Elephants will most likely leave my mind in under a week, but it’s also one of those films after watching where you shrug and remark, “Yeah that was good.” I wouldn’t gawk at anyone for watching this movie, but I might give a side eye if someone suggests that this is Pattinson’s best work—especially with how busy he’s been taking challenging and left field roles in a desperate plea to put his shiny vampire days behind him. He’s exchanging his fangs for a cowl in the upcoming The Batman next year, and I have cautiously high hopes for that film. Now to go watch him in Tenet as soon as that is available to me in a theater nearby.

          Oh, and if you’re wanting a film with Waltz as the villain, please watch either Inglorious Basterds or Django Unchained.

 

In Brief:

• Wakanda Forever.

The 15:17 to Paris Works as a Tribute but Not as a Film

         Gillipedia Official Rating: Thought: Movies are better with actors

    The bravery of the three young men in this film in a dire, unexpected, and terrible event is unendingly commendable. They rightfully received high honors and awards from both the French and Americans. Instead of going down as a tragic terrorist attack, the world knows the events that took place on an Amsterdam train headed to Paris as a tale of heroism from some regular guys trying to do the right thing. But friends, coworkers, and potential lovers, this is the Gillipedia. We critique a film based on merits, and it brings no joy to this Clint Eastwood fan to say that The 15:17 to Paris is not a good movie.

          For those that somehow missed this event or need a refresher, three American guys were on a train to France, enjoying a vacation. A terrorist was strapped with three-hundred rounds of ammunition ready to wreak havoc upon the people aboard. With quick thinking and a steadfast mentality, the Americans tackled and subdued the terrorist, and he was arrested when the train reached its destination. It’s the kind of story that grabs headlines and brings forth a feeling of togetherness amidst difficult times. Not only was it decided to make a movie out of the event, but the real three Americans were cast to play themselves.

          Let’s start with the potential of the film. Because it’s not like the film is in bad taste or controversial for wrong reasons. The theme here is all about how people grow up and want to help others, but they struggle to find real meaning to their lives; sometimes the biggest moments in life are those that you don’t see coming. But when the moment comes, you’re ready for it, and you do the right thing.

          Like I said, the message isn’t bad. But so many factors come into play that work its way into creating what becomes this mess. Since the horrific incident on the train is so quick, that means you need to fill the runtime with a bunch of other scenes for a complete film. The train scene is the centerpiece of the film, but the movie has to build up to get to it.

          And there are a couple things that actually work with this. For instance, of the three guys, the main character is Spencer Stone—a guy who tries and fails at most of his ambitions like basketball and football. He joins the Air Force, but he isn’t able to apply for the position that he is really drawn to. During his training he’s taught about how to treat wounds with whatever you’ve got on hand, and that comes into play in a subtle enough way on the train. The driving force of what put Spencer where he was at that moment in time in life is framed well, and the cool touch of Eastwood’s directing can be felt.

          So where’s the problem? The film starts off pretty inconspicuously as it follows the three guys, Spencer, Alex, and Anthony, as they cause trouble in school and bond as friends. Some of the best things about the film are in the supporting cast of real actors that play the moms of Spencer and Alex, Jenna Fischer and Judy Greer, and Tony Hale in a brief role as a gym coach. Anyways, after 15 minutes of childhood, the film follows Spencer as he joins the Air Force. He shows that he has a passion for the work that’s done, but he continues to mess up. After 40 minutes of this, Spencer gets in touch with Alex and Anthony about traveling all over Europe.

          If you haven’t put the pieces together yet, that’s okay. Let’s break this down. The climax on the train is well put together if still brief, so the film has to fill up a running time of 90 minutes, and it really struggles to drag it out. Having the bulk of your film be about backstory and then contemplating and enjoying life across Europe isn’t necessarily a recipe for disaster. Films like Before Sunrise spend the entire film talking about life while the two main characters walk around pretty locales. The thing is, Before Sunrise starred Ethan Hawke. When there’s only one action scene, a film is carried by the actors saying the dialogue in the rest of the scenes. And the traveling around Europe scenes have neither compelling dialogue, nor the strong actors required to carry the scenes.

          The guys try their best to act. They really do. But their delivery is flat, and they clearly don’t have training on how to inflect and vary the way they speak. It’s compensated a little by the naturalistic approach to dialogue, but I’m really stretching when I say it's compensated. There’s also a lot of times where Spencer walks across a room, and his motion is just too robotic and rehearsed. Instead of making scenes flow together, it simply reminds me of how stiff the acting is and takes me out of the experience. It’s not the worst thing I’ve ever seen, but it’s also not very entertaining either.

          The whole concept of the film is to go as naturalistic as possible. The locations are real, the story is real, and hey! The actors are real too! There’s a minimal amount of music, and the guys talk to each other like how they normally would. Even the climax on the train doesn’t feature music to put the audience right there with the guys in the throng of this crazy, spur-of-the-moment event. But it doesn’t come together.

          Three things needed to have happened to help this film out. First, and most obviously, cast real actors. It’s awesome that they wanted to honor these guys by letting them star in their own film, but it really brings down the experience. Second, the story needs to be overhauled. There’s way too many scenes in the Air Force and traveling around Europe that don’t lead anywhere or conclude in a humorous or meaningful way. It’s meant to help bring the audience into the world, but the conversations at hand aren't compelling. And the editors of this film knew that too. That’s why every 20 minutes the film flashes forward to the train to reassure the audience that don’t worry, you only have to sit through a little bit more of these scenes before we take you to the real reason you’re watching this film. And third and most importantly, just don’t make this movie. While watching the credits, it stood out to me that the three young men wrote a book and that’s what this film is based off. I haven’t read the book, but I assume it tells just about the same set of events that the movie does; however, the format of a book works much better for a story like this. You can still garner the intensity of the train in a book, but you don’t have to worry about the rest feeling like filler because not everything translates from book to film and vice versa.

          If you happened to enjoy this movie, it’s probably due in large part to the real story behind it all. And there’s nothing wrong with that. I have nothing to critique about the heart of the three young men, and I have nothing but praise and respect for their actions. But if you’re going to be stars in a movie, you’re subjected to the same treatment that I give to everyone else. And in the case of this movie, it’s just not good.

 

In Brief:

I recently watched the Renee Zellweger film Judy, and I hate to admit it, but she did indeed deserve the Oscar. I was pulling hard for Johansson who put out a brilliant performance in Marriage Story, but Zellweger is transformative. The film as a whole is pretty standard drug-abuse biopic; however, I wasn’t very familiar with Judy Garland’s story, and it definitely gave me Macaulay Culkin vibes.

Amazon Prime has a new original movie out called 7500 starring Joseph Gordon-Levitt. It takes place in the cockpit of a plane as JGL deals with terrorists trying to hijack it. It brings intensity, and JGL plays a more reserved character which is different from what is usually seen and that’s refreshing. It’s pretty good.

I also watched two Netflix originals: The Night Clerk, and I finally got around to Extraction. I’m a big fan of Tye Sheridan, and he stars in The Night Clerk alongside Ana de Armas from Knives Out, John Leguizamo, and Helen Hunt. Sheridan puts in a dedicated performance, de Armas is always charming, but—and I’m sorry for this—Helen Hunt is frightening. She plays Sheridan’s caring mother, but I think she’s fallen victim to too much plastic surgery because it looks like she wears some twisted mask throughout and it’s all I could think about whenever she appears. If you watch it, I hope you see what I’m talking about. But don’t watch it. The story is very problematic on multiple levels, and it doesn’t satisfy in the slightest. Extraction, however, is so much fun. It’s gaining notoriety for the 12-minute, simulated one-shot action scene in the middle, and it’s absolutely amazing. The rest is pretty good action fare overall, but I do have some critiques. But go watch it, or at least watch the big action scene.

Bangkok Dangerous is a Truly Terrible Nic Cage Movie

Gillipedia Official Rating: Very Not Good

            Hitmen like Jason Bourne and John Wick have carved their identities through distinct styles and memorable films. And then there’s Joe. And not like the gritty, realistic drama Joe starring the titular Nic Cage and Tye Sheridan. No, we’re talking about the nephew of Francis Ford Coppola playing hitman Joe in Bangkok Dangerous.  Please don’t watch this movie. I did chuckle a couple of times, but it’s not the levels of bad that Batman & Robin is where it’s super entertaining to watch. It’s just really, really bad.

            The opening scene must be one of the most boring introductions to an action film. Niccy Cage narrates dully about having four arbitrary rules as a hitman (so that he can proceed to break them over the course of the film) as he scopes down the sight of his target in Prague. The narration is amateurish, the directing is laughably one-note (after the guy is gunned down, the film cuts to two separate shots of guards nearby reacting with over-the-top surprised reactions), and it’s edited quickly to make it appear like a lot has happened. What really happens is the movie spends a couple of minutes of Cage lying down before finally taking the shot on the guy that doesn’t move. This is the action film you won’t be watching, people.

            The basic premise is that the fourth rule Cagey has is to know when to step away, and he realizes that his next job in Bangkok is that job. He’s hired by two guys whose sole motivations are that they’re bad guys, and he’ll be sent four targets to eliminate over the next few weeks. He finds a lowly character in Kong because he knows Kong is willing to aid him for money and—in Nic Cage’s words—most importantly, he’s disposable. Kong acts as the courier for Cage and picks up his briefcases from a weird night club where Kong becomes infatuated by one of the dancers. Pretty basic stuff so far but nothing too egregious.

            Twenty minutes into this mess, the film decides to become a weird hybrid between Leon: The Professional and The Karate Kid. Kong gets beat up by a group of guys that open the briefcase, but he slashes their legs and through the magic of editing also somehow retrieves the case. He manages to bring it back to Cage where he apologizes for being late and mentions that the target in the briefcase is a bad guy. Cage considers killing him because he knows too much, but because he somehow sees himself in Kong I guess (?) he turns a 180 and proceeds to give Kong his first lesson in becoming a hitman.

            Around the same time, Cage rides a motorcycle on his way to kill his first target. On the drive back, he clips his arm on something and has to go to a pharmacy. There, he is treated by the deaf worker and Cage starts falling for her. They go on a couple of dates where Cage is supposed to be the clumsy foreigner that makes her laugh, but it really just comes off as supremely awkward. It’s also Cage not even trying to phone it in. They go on a dinner date where he eats spicy food. He says, “Ah, it’s hot.” Then she offers him some herbs to chew on and says, “Ah, that’s better.” Now I’d like you to read those lines with your best Nic Cage impression but remove all emotion from the equation, and that’s just about what it sounds like. Those interested in a film that not only portrays deafness in a real way but is also an incredible film from start to finish should watch A Silent Voice. Another option is Babel.

            Back to Bangkok! Cage’s second target is another terribly filmed scene. We’re greeted to a gangster type living it up with girls by his side. He takes a casual dip in his outdoor pool where a girl reclines nearby and a bodyguard watches. The film decides the best approach here is to treat the movie like it’s Jaws. We see the target swimming, then a black blob under the water trails behind. There’s no explanation of how Cage got there, and the film occasionally cuts to the bodyguard to remind you that yes, he is still there, but no, he doesn’t spot any of this happening. We never see Cage surface; instead, he pulls the guy under and drowns him. Never surfacing himself, the next shot shows UnCaged swimming away still under the surface. It’s almost like the sequence from Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation except not at all.

            I’d like to point out that I’m not a glutton for criticism. There’s actually one single good scene. Kong recognizes that he’s being followed after he picks up the new case, and His Cageness tells him to put the phone in the case and throw it off. The baddies pick it up and bring it to the boss. Cool Hand Cage takes a page out of Jack Reacher and threatens the boss over the phone while he’s having dinner with his family. Enjoy the scene while you can because the rest is still trash.

            The mission for the third target goes haywire so that we can be treated to action, and it’s honestly Cage’s fault. The hit is riding on Bangkok’s gondolas, and Minimum Cage poses as a tourist on his own gondola. It’s really crowded, and he has to cover his gun, so his aim is limited. He can’t get a shot, so the target recognizes he’s in trouble and flees. Cage chases, and the target shoots some barrels that explode in laughably dramatic fashion. Mr. Cage catches up and does… something. The way the scene is shot, I really have no idea what happened, but the target’s hand holding the gun is sliced off and Cage finishes the job. These action scenes have no special awareness, so it’s impossible to tell where people are, what the stakes are, and what is even happening. The worst case of this is the climax which we will mercifully get to soon.

            Soon afterward King Cage and Kong are hanging out and a politician on the TV comes on. Kong has previously praised Cage’s killings because the targets are bad guys, and he remarks here how this is a good guy who helps the poor. In a movie with approximately zero surprises, we learn a couple scenes later that this politician is Cagey Boy’s final target. The film also switches back to the guys that hired him, and they talk about how they better cut off loose ends and retrieve Kong and his girl.

            Before we get to the climax, we have to wrap up the romance with the pharmacy girl. In a scene I’m still struggling to comprehend, Supreme Overlord Cage and the girl go for a walk in a park. Two guys approach him from behind and tap his shoulder or something. Believing them to be baddies, Cage shoots them, splattering some of the blood on the girl’s shoulder. One of the guys motions to maybe a wallet? Maybe he was just trying to give him something back that he dropped? I’m not sure. Regardless, the girl is understandably mortified by the actions of the guy that she previously believed to be a banker. And that’s pretty much that with her.

            So Chancellor Cage goes to assassinate the politician, but he has a change of heart. Oh, I guess I should say now that I will be spoiling this whole movie, so say your objections now before I move on… Okay, moving on. So Cage doesn’t kill the guy, but we’re treated to a bodyguard spotting him through his window and ordering for all guns to be fired at him immediately. He rushes out onto the street and takes a guy’s hat, and the guy acknowledges that his hat has just been stolen, but I guess it’s fine that he’s in enough of a panic that he runs away. Cage takes advantage of his disguise and manages to escape.

            Some goons are sent to kill Cage Against the Machine, but he handles them and takes one prisoner to guide him to where Kong and the girl are. We did it. We’ve reached the climactic battle. Near the end of it, Cage has the jump on one guy, but he decides the best move is to charge guns blazing at him in what is supposed to be a cool looking shot where they shoot at each other with water jugs serving as a blockade between them. Cage gets shot near the shoulder, but he’s able to kill the guy. Kong and the girl have managed to escape at this point, so the only thing remaining is the main bad guy in a car with three of his best buds. Cage shoots the three, leaving a scared villain in the car. The police have shown up, waiting for this movie to the end so that they can check out the scene. And in an ending that makes no sense to me, Cage gets in the car with the villain. I guess this is supposed to be a heroic sacrifice—something with the magnitude of say Gran Torino. I don’t get why Cage felt like the only option left was to kill himself. The police are there, sure, but he could definitely escape. Is the pain of not seeing pharmacy girl anymore too much? Has he taught Kong everything he needs to know? Before this happens, though, I’d like to point something out. The driver was the second person that Cage shot. By the time Cage enters the car, the car has remained stopped. Realizing that the scene has to continue, Cage knows what he must do as the driver’s foot falls off the brake and the car slowly drives backward in a straight line toward where the police are hunkered down. Cage lines himself and the bad guy up, and he takes them both out in one shot. We’re then treated to Kong staring out over a bay or something in a low frames-per-second shot for about seven seconds, and then the credits roll after that.

            Everything here is so bad. The audio quality is inconsistent, and the directing is awful. I can just see the directors being like, “Okay, Nic, now look off into the distance. More menacing, more menacing. There you go. Perfect. Annnnd cut, I think we got it, guys.” Nobody’s motivations during the story makes sense either. Nicster has been accepting movie roles left and right the last decade and a half to help pay off his terrible real estate deals and tax troubles. To be fair he’s still shown up in some good movies. Bangkok Dangerous is not one of them. I can’t even recommend watching this ironically. It doesn’t work. The best reaction I can possibly see a person having to watching this film is, “Yeah, it wasn’t that bad.” But you’re wrong, person, because I stand by the title of this review.

 

In Brief:

• Christopher Nolan and Warner Bros. clash a little over the release of Tenet. Nolan is a firm believer in the moviegoing experience and refused to delay his film set to come out in mid-July. Considering his track record of box office hits, it looks like the compromise is to delay it a couple of weeks to the end of July.
• Knives Out is available for Prime members. If you haven’t watched it yet or haven’t seen it for a second time, I highly recommend it. It was my second favorite film of 2019.
• Also available now on Prime is their original movie 7500 about Joseph Gordon-Levitt as a pilot on a plane with hijackers. I haven’t watched it yet, but I’m sure I will soon.

Uncut Gems

Gillipedia Official Rating: Rocky

^took me about 10 seconds to think of that

            Just like actual uncut gems, this movie is rough around the edges. I went in all high and mighty with my prior knowledge to A24 films feeling confident I was in for another hard-hitting flick. And I feel like with just a few changes, the movie is well on its way to that status. But as it is now, I can’t help but feel underwhelmed.

            Before we move on to my factual opinions regarding this film, let’s talk about what we’re actually dealing with so far. Taking place over a couple of days, the film completely revolves around the chaotic mess that Adam Sandler’s Jewish jeweler (impossible to say Jewish jeweler quickly) character Howard has created for his business. He owns a high-end jewelry shop in Manhattan’s diamond district with big-ticket items. The problem is that he gets loans and proceeds to place risky parlay sports bets using that money, and evidently, it hasn’t all worked out. One of the highlights of the film is that we’re not given a history lesson on any of this. We’re able to put all the pieces together as we follow Howard around interacting with all of his associates.

            The basic formula for the film is a debtee comes to collect from Howard, and he either brushes him off or tries telling some form of a white lie. Howard proceeds to another location where he is hell-bent on one objective, and he ignores any obstacle in his way—and these obstacles come back in one way or another to his detriment. It’s in these moments that you see the best of Sandler and the failure of the film. These are supposed to be anxiety inducing, squirmy scenes. In one way I totally agree that watching Howard conduct business is hard to watch in a great way; however, it’s totally undermined by the score. Let me explain.

            Actually, before I explain, now is as good a time as any to discuss Sandler’s performance. Some of your thoughts may be along the lines of, “Wait! Adam Sandler from 50 First Dates and Happy Gilmore and Grown Ups?” Or, “Adam Sandler from all those failed Netflix movies is doing drama?” Or even, “You’re telling me the star of my favorite movie ever Pixels is in a serious role? Cool!” Regardless of how familiar you are with Sandler, it’s worth pointing out that over a decade ago he starred in a film called Punch-Drunk Love. That role still allowed Sandler his comedic moments, but it was a truly committed performance in a highly underrated film. The point is that it has been established that Sandler has acting chops with the right material. I wouldn’t go so far as to say that his performance here is Oscar worthy, but he’s perfect and transformative as the character and works really well.

            The other noteworthy person in this film is Kevin Garnett. The whole film takes place during his Eastern Conference Semis series with the Celtics against the 76’ers in 2012. It’s a smart choice considering he hasn’t aged in pretty much the 20 years he’s been playing in the league. It’s his film debut, and he holds his own. It also marks the debut for The Weeknd, but we don’t care about that. If you want a notable debut from a musician, check out something like John Legend in La La Land. And The Weeknd isn’t even the last debut we’re mentioning—it’s also the first film for Julia Fox who plays Sandler’s lover and sometimes employee. There was one line of dialogue in particular that stood out as bad writing for her character, but beyond that, I’m immensely impressed and look forward to seeing what else she’s in. And last but certainly not least, LaKeith Stanfield has a supporting role. He’s a tremendous actor that broke out in Donald Glover’s show Atlanta and has appeared in big movies like Get Out and Knives Out. The focus of the film is on Sandler at all times, so Stanfield’s role is delegated mainly to the background, and I think that’s a bit of a shame. Would’ve liked to have seen more of him in this. Oh, and Elsa from Frozen is here too.

            Now then, back to why the intensity of this film fails. I put the primary fault on the choice of score. There’s huge synth vibes straight out of Blade Runner running amok out here in the movie, and it’s one of the oddest choices I’ve seen. I’m a huge fan of the Blade Runner soundtrack, but I would never put it in this film. A lot of what’s supposed to be frenetic energy is lost here, and it’s a shame. The fix here would be to go largely drum-based and take a play out of Birdman’s handbook.

            All in all this film takes Spielberg levels of characters talking over each other and ramps it up to a 12. Yes, it’s interesting to see how Sandler’s debts start piling on top of each other, but there isn’t all that much variation in how these play out. There is a scene that let’s us breathe a bit where the family partakes in Passover celebrations, and I commend the film for it—it was interesting to look into a religion I don’t have much knowledge about. Then we get to the climax which was fun to watch and added much more tension because we were following both Sandler and Julia Fox. But I can’t say I’m happy with the finish. It makes sense in enough ways, but it’s also not satisfying. I was expecting a bit more grit out of this A24 film honestly. Not quite a winner for me.

 

In Brief:

I wonder how Joss Whedon feels about the Snyder cut.