I was so bored. I
couldn't make it in one sitting; I had to take 2 breaks so that I
didn’t fall asleep. Now that I am typing that, I am regretting I
didn't just sleep through it. I mean, I understand movies galore have
an expositional setup for the first 15 minutes before getting into
the meat of the film. Considering these vampires that drink the blood
of animals are vegetarians, there's no meat on the bones of the film.
To get a little more specific, as soon as Bella enters school halfway
through the semester, everybody flocks to her and seems to know her
already. Why?? I don't know! And to think that Edward would be
compelled to Bella over Anna Kendrick may be the most glaring fault
of all. Plus, the dialogue that goes on – and the directing with
it-- is the least realistic thing I have ever seen. Nobody acts like
they do. And I'm definitely looking at you Kristen Stewart, you
sighing, breathing, half-laughing introvert you. For a girl that
enjoys being alone, you spend the entire film with other people.
I was able to
release a couple of chuckles at the movement of the vampires. Oh man,
it was so cheesy...
And they shine
bright like a diamond.
Seriously, what was
this movie even about? I was about to dedicate this paragraph to the plot,
but I have nothing to tell. If I wasn't zoning out at points in the
film, I wish I was.
There's no
motivation for the film, and it uses about 1 hour and 30 minutes to
build a bond between the leads, establish friendships and villains,
and put hints at conflicts to come; but really, it was just pointless
because I didn't believe any of it. But Bella did. Oh, Edward, you've
been watching me in my sleep for the past couple of months? That's
cool. Before Bella figures out what Edward and his family really are,
she pointlessly asks so many questions. It turns out she's right to
have been questioning of everything, but she would've been an
obsessed crazy person in any other normal situation – correction,
in any other situation. Also, the first 45 minutes of gazing into
Edward's eyes at school? I'm not sure if it was supposed to be
mysterious or intimate, but it was just weird and uncomfortable.
I'd like to end on
some sort of a high note. You somewhat find it in Bella's dad. I
honestly believe he was the only rational character in the whole
film. So kudos to you, Pops.
I am going to have
to unwind and rethink my life after watching this movie. So as of
right now, who knows what I'll have for next week.
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