So there I was, pondering in my mind what I should watch. I got an inkling to watch sci-fi, and I knew about how Valerian bombed at the domestic box office and the trailers left more confusion and questions than clarity and answers, but I was determined to watch a sci-fi film and hoped that the visuals would be enough to compensate for anything else.
Of all the ways I’ve seen introductions for movies and explanations and quick backstories—especially for something set in the 28th century—I actually really enjoyed the beginning of this movie. I have no knowledge of the source material, and a montage of greeting new alien races to the space station Alpha as it gradually grows to the titular size over the centuries is both a clever way to set the stage for the story without need of dialogue and a chance to show-off the impressive visuals to come.
We move to an alien planet where these blue creatures live a blissful life and use an animal to convert one pearl into many as a ritual for their species’ survival. Or something. Look, the visuals are great, sure; however, it does feel like they used motion-capture just because they could. Personally, I think the aliens could’ve looked more fluid and overall better with makeup and costume. And I’ll go ahead and add this here, but it applies to everywhere in the movie: even though the backgrounds look really cool and are really good, it’s hard not to notice that it’s still clearly green (or blue) screen. They don’t get depth perception quite right, so the characters travel to many different areas, but it’s hard to put aside the fact that it’s noticeably CGI. This is most notable on the planet where Valerian and Laureline hold their first mission.
Ah, Valerian and Laureline. People went at this movie for the lack of chemistry between the leads. And, well, that’s pretty valid. I think Dane DeHaan is a talented actor; he wasn’t really a great fit as Harry Osborne in The Amazing Spider-Man 2, but he played the correct role in Chronicle. But a suave leading man he is not. I also didn’t hate Cara Delevingne in Suicide Squad. Laureline has this sarcastic, hard-to-get personality which works well for Delevingne, but I guess through his pure determination, she succumbs to Valerian’s advances because the script tells her to do so. But this isn’t 100% on the actors. Director Luc Besson and his script need to take lots of blame as well. The back and forth between the leads is seriously some of the choppiest dialogue. There’s supposed to be clever one-liners, and Luc Besson makes them hold their expressions to wait for audience laughter, but it’s just not good. The one-liners may be the worst aspect of the film it’s that bad. So yes, better dialogue would make the chemistry between the leads more believable, but they honestly never have any heart-to-heart moments anyways. Laureline balks at Valerian’s previous conquests and he brushes that under the rug with some poor dialogue, then he makes super rash and impulsive decisions like asking Laureline to marry him, and they proceed to spend over the half the movie talking about how Laureline never expressly says no and Valerian smirks. I wish I was making this stuff up.
Valerian and Laureline receive a mission to retrieve the last converter (the pearl-pooping beast from the beginning) before it ends up in the wrong hands. Through tons of CGI, Valerian sneaks his way to where the trade is being held, but Valerian isn’t actually there. He uses some glasses and a MegaMan arm buster machine thing and that transfers him through dimensions. Or something. This is the first real action scene and is clearly supposed to be light-hearted and cool at the same time where Valerian has to wiggle his way out of the situation where he’s sort of in one place and what happens there affects what happens to him on the other planet. It actually makes more sense visually than trying to write it out, but that’s beside the point. It’s a scene that feels sort of in line of what the prequel Star Wars movies did early on, but since nobody in the world is familiar with the comics, we have no idea what’s going on. It’s decent and the technology is cool, but it’s supposed to be a stand-out scene in the movie, and it’s pretty forgettable.
They end up going to the city of a thousand planets to report back to Commander Filitt, and everything starts to slowly tie back together. Clive Owen is a great actor, and you’re doing yourself a disservice if you haven’t seen Inside Man or especially Children of Men. But casting him as Commander Filitt leads to a very predictable plot twist that ties everything together. When the source material is very vague, and the story isn’t compelling, Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets is the result.
To chug the movie over the 2-hour line, there’s a random moment where Laureline touches a butterfly but it’s literally actually bait, and she gets kidnapped by these huge, ugly creatures. Valerian decides he needs a shapeshifter to infiltrate their place, so he walks around a district (and I give credit for using the song “We Trying to Stay Alive” during this) clearly inspired by Attack of the Clones and finds a strip club run by an eccentric Ethan Hawke who just wanted to be in a big-budget sci-film probably. And then we get a pole dance from shapeshifting Rihanna, whose character’s name is Bubble, and it’s entirely too long. She shapeshifts and it periodically cuts to Valerian’s reactions and the whole shebang is one of the strangest things in this movie. Turns out Rihanna is basically a slave and just wants out, and she helps Valerian because he sets her free. And the only emotional payoff this movie attempts is by killing her off 5 minutes later. It doesn’t work, and I’m still not even positive how she died because they go to save Laureline with swords and Rihanna’s true form is blue goo. They show up just in time, too, because Laureline was about to be lunch for the big, ugly, dumb creatures. To be fair those creatures actually were the most fun part about the movie. Oh, and yeah, I totally did just spoil some parts of this movie, but I honestly don’t see anyone getting concerned over it, so we’re rightfully moving on.
There’s other parts to the movie like a space chase that should’ve been much cooler than it was, and Valerian puts a jellyfish creature’s butt on his face at one point to find the last point where Laureline was seen and breaks the record of being under the butt for a minute. Or something. Again, not making this up. There’s also the very forgettable climax that brings back the blue creatures from the beginning. Everything works out. The universe is saved. Good stuff like that. Or something.
I really wanted to like Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets more than I did. There are some impressive visuals, but I really think it could’ve benefited from more practical effects, and that could’ve eased the film on its massive $200 million budget. Besides just not being a very good movie, there’s a variety of reasons why I think this movie was a commercial failure. For example, I understand this was based off a comic series called Valerian and Laureline. Just call the movie that, or at least think of a less strange subtitle than “City of a Thousand Planets”—the movie is already strange enough. But anyways. I enjoyed Luc Besson’s Lucy, but besides the opening, his directing and especially his writing have issues. Dane DeHaan is a talented but sort of niche actor, and Cara Delevingne is sort of the same, but she’s also way more attractive. They don’t work well together, and it’s all the more apparent with poor character development and choppy writing. The world building doesn’t hold up for casual viewers; maybe it does for fans of the comics, but that doesn’t help much when the source material is French and you make this an English movie. Really though, the story just isn’t compelling. It moves itself along, but the action and dialogue aren’t nearly fun enough to carry the bulk. If you’re looking for sci-fi, feel free to skip over this one.
In Brief:
- 2019 Year in Review:
- The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part has fun moments, but some of the plot is illogical and is overall a step down from the original.
- You can’t expect too much from Happy Death Day 2 U, but it’s a decent enough follow-up from the original.
- How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World is a great, beautiful way to cap off one of the best animated trilogies ever.
- Captain Marvel is mediocre Marvel fare with some of the worst action scenes in the MCU.
- Us is a great second-outing for Jordan Peele and is the best horror movie of the year, and Lupita Nyong’o shines.
- Shazam! is one of the most fun DC movies, even if the post-credits scene meant nothing to me. Zachary Levi is great, and it’s always a smart move to cast Djimon Hounsou (who is also in the MCU).
- People got excited for Hellboy, and that quickly went away. Didn’t watch.
- Avengers: Endgame happened. I’m not a die-hard Marvel guy, but it is a very solid movie overall. But don’t tell me it’s the best movie ever or anything. C’mon. Also, points deducted for being re-released a couple months later and trying to validate that by adding what was it 7 minutes worth of content? You wanted to be the highest grossing movie of all-time. It’s okay to admit.
- I think I enjoyed Detective Pikachu more than most. Solid movie. The aesthetic also worked out. Not so much for Sonic the Hedgehog.
- John Wick: Chapter 3 – Parabellum is insane. Please keep making action movies like this. Freaking so good.
- Olivia Wilde got mad that not many people saw Booksmart. Oh well.
- X-Men: Dark Phoenix happened. Hahaha….. Yeah, didn’t see it.
- Toy Story 4 is better than Toy Story 3, but it’s not the best. But my goodness is Pixar getting good at animation.
- Yesterday is a fun movie. Ed Sheeran even has a nice role. There’s even a much-too-short cameo for the great Michael Kiwanuka.
- Spider-Man: Far from Home isn’t better than the first, but Jake Gylenhaal is a great addition.
- The Lion King is possibly my fav—oh sorry. The Lion King (1994) is possibly my favorite animated movie of all time.
- Once Upon a Time… In Hollywood is overly long and isn’t Tarantino’s finest work, but it’s still a really good movie overall. DiCaprio is great, but Pitt is even better. Oh, and Margot Robbie should’ve gotten more screen time.
- Ready or Not is a strange and quirky horror movie, but I really enjoyed it. Samara Weaving is great.
- Ad Astra is much more contemplative than it is action oriented. Cool visuals, interesting father/son dynamic, and overall good movie. But not for everyone.
- The New York Times reaches a new low on its review of Joker. It’s not even a review. It’s just dumb social commentary with absolutely no substance. Sorry, ranting over. Joker is really, really good. It’s definitely not perfect, but Joaquin Phoenix really puts everything in his performance. I also don’t think it’s fair trying to compare the Jokers. Each one—Hamill, Nicholson, and Ledger—have their own identity and merits they bring. Oh, and there’s that weird Leto one as well. And his wasn’t even terrible, he just happened to appear in his movie for the exact wrong amount of time—like a glorified cameo.
- Doctor Sleep is a hard movie to define. I guess I’d call it a drama. The only horror elements really are what it takes from The Shining. Ewan McGregor is good, but the introspective, reflective tone and pacing don’t add up to a great movie. The writer/director clearly has a love for the source material, but it’s not enough. And as much as I love Emily Blunt, her villainess role falls short.
- Ford v Ferrari is a little long, but it’s also good fun and pleasantly included more racing sequences than I expected.
- Either John Wick or Knives Out goes down as the most fun I had at the movie theater this year. Easily in my top 3 movies I watched this year.
- The Irishman is good—even very good. But it’s not great. The de-aging is certainly impressive, and we could be here awhile if I started talking about the star-studded cast. Quick shout outs to Ray Romano and Jesse Plemons.
- My top 3 films of 2019 are John Wick 3, Knives Out, and it’s rounded out with Marriage Story. Holy smokes, this is an impressive film. Already a huge fan of Driver and Johansson, they both deliver impeccable performances. I have a few small complaints here and there, but they really are small complaints because this movie is great. In fact, I’ll go ahead and call Marriage Story my Best Picture. There, I said it. Can’t take it back now.
- Jumanji: The Next Level isn’t like amazing, but if you’re looking for a good time where you can shut off your brain, this movie does the job.
- Love Clint Eastwood but I didn’t go see Richard Jewell. It appears no one did.
- I was generous in my Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker review. Yes, it’s entertaining. But that’s really it. There’s so many dumb elements besides the illogical and coincidental and throwback elements. And it all starts with a lackluster title.
- Haven’t gotten around to 1917 yet, but that’s one I will for sure go watch.
- I'm considering doing a total recap of the decade of movies (2010-2019) and putting that out as its own post. If you'd like to see that, or want to make sure there's a film I don't forget to include in that, please let me know!
- With the Golden Globes coming up, let’s go ahead and deal out our predictions
- Best Motion Picture – Drama: I really want to see 1917, but I don’t think that would win anyways. It’s tough to see them not giving it to The Irishman, but my personal pick definitely would go to Marriage Story. That was a great movie. Glad to see Joker get a nod.
- Best Motion Picture – Musical or Comedy: I admittedly only saw Once Upon a Time… In Hollywood and Knives Out. However, Knives Out is good enough to where it will get my pick. Seriously, anyone remotely interested in a clever murder mystery with quirky characters, something like an Agatha Christie novel, should check this movie out. It was so much fun.
- Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Drama: I’ve been clamoring for years that Scarlett Johansson isn’t just beautiful, but that she’s also super talented. Loved her in Lost in Translation, and her performance in Marriage Story is fantastic.
- Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Drama: Christian Bale was typically good in Ford v Ferrari, but he’s not winning. I’m a huge fan of Adam Driver, and anyone who hasn’t seen him as the best part in the new Star Wars trilogy as Kylo Ren should check out his Ted Talk and his performance in BlackKklansman. He is equally good as ScarJo in Marriage Story, but I can’t give my vote to anyone besides Joaquin Phoenix for Joker.
- Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Musical or Comedy: I wasn’t familiar with her, but I’m glad to see Ana de Armas from Knives Out get a nod. I think there’s enough buzz for Awkwafina to win, however. Not for Jumanji where she was admittedly good, but for The Farewell.
- Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Musical or Comedy: Daniel Craig’s KFC accent didn’t bother me nearly as much the second time as it did the first time (yes, I saw Knives Out twice it was that good). It doesn’t add to the movie, but I guess he had to be just as quirky as the other characters. But his performance is still good. But not good enough to win. I actually preferred Brad Pitt over Leonardo DiCaprio in Once Upon a Time… In Hollywood, but DiCaprio is still well-deserving. Didn’t see Rocketman, but I’m going to assume they give the win to Taron Egerton.
- Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in any Motion Picture: I like Laura Dern, but I don’t think she wins. I don’t like Jennifer Lopez, so I hope she doesn’t win. I’m going to say it’s a toss up between Kathy Bates and Annette Bening. Let’s go with Bening.
- Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in any Motion Picture: As I said I really liked Brad Pitt. Both are really good, but Al Pacino is better than Joe Pesci in The Irishman. The win, however, goes to Tom Hanks.
- Best Director – Motion Picture: Tarantino was good, but it wasn’t quite his best effort. From what I’ve heard, Sam Mendes could definitely get it. I also know close to nothing about Parasite except that it’s one of the best movies of the year. The safe bet is Scorcese, but let’s go with Todd Phillips for the upset with Joker.
- Best Screenplay – Motion Picture: Although I have just a couple small issues with it, I’m giving this to Noah Baumbach for Marriage Story. And I think Rian Johnson should’ve been nominated for Knives Out. I’m betting he gets a nod at the Oscars though.
- Best Motion Picture – Animated: How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World isn’t the best in the trilogy, but that’s okay because it’s actually a fantastic and slightly overlooked trilogy. But you don’t bet against Pixar. Toy Story 4 for the win.
- Best Motion Picture – Foreign Language: I’m going to act like I know what I’m talking about and say Parasite easily gets the win.
- Best Original Score – Motion Picture: I have to be honest and say that Randy Newman sounds like he’s doing an impression of Randy Newman in Marriage Story. The voters probably disagree with me and give it to him. For me, let’s again go with the upset and give it to Hildur Gudnadottir for Joker.
- Best Original Song – Motion Picture: Let’s go with Frozen 2. Why not.
- Best Television Series – Drama: Now we really start getting to where I don’t have an opinion. With that said and with total confidence, let’s go with The Morning Show. I actually do feel confident in saying Big Little Lies won’t win.
- Best Television Series – Musical or Comedy: Fleabag. Sure.
- Best Television Limited Series or Motion Picture Made for Television: Fosse/Verdon. Keep Catch-22 in mind as an upset. Again, this is total conjecture.
- Best Performance by an Actress in a Limited Series or a Motion Picture Made for Television: I really like Kaitlyn Dever (she was even in Uncharted 4!), but she doesn’t beat out Helen Mirren or Michelle Williams. Let’s go with Williams.
- Best Performance by an Actor in a Limited Series or a Motion Picture Made for Television: I have no idea, but Sam Rockwell is on a roll, let’s choose him.
- Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series – Drama: Olivia Colman or Jennifer Aniston. Let’s say Colman.
- Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series – Drama: After his win in Bohemian Rhapsody, Rami Malek follows that up with a win here.
- Best Performance by an Actress in a Television Series – Musical or Comedy: Rachel Brosnahan. Possibly Phoebe-Waller Bridge. But Brosnahan.
- Best Performance by an Actor in a Television Series – Musical or Comedy: Bill Hader wins.
- Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Series, Limited Series or Motion Picture Made for Television: Toni Collette
- Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Series, Limited Series or Motion Picture Made for Television: I’m guessing Andrew Scott should win, but they give it to Henry Winkler.
No comments:
Post a Comment