Let’s start from the very beginning. Before we get to see anything, we hear Godzilla’s iconic screech. While the first Godzilla made hearing the roar feel like a spectacle and a treat, this just feels cheap. And then when we do see something, it’s of a flashback back to the events of the first film—but from the perspective of Vera Farmiga and her child played by Millie Bobby Brown (think of Bruce Wayne at the beginning of Batman v Superman). Right off the bat, why don’t they just start off with the flashback, and if you gotta do the roar, have Godzilla do it in front of Vera and Eleven. That makes so much more sense to me.
When we move to present day, I hated this sequence as well. We’re introduced to Mothra, and it feels way too much like Cloverfield in a bad way. My guess is that the post-production team was running out of time or budget, and they had to cut corners; this big blockbuster CGI sequence tries to look more realistic and engaged by following the movement of Mothra with the camera and even using some zooms. The way the actors interact with CGI Mothra is fine, but it’s pretty clear to me about what was real and when it all turned fake. I will throw a positive in here about the sound mixing. That aspect is honestly very good.
There’s actually a pretty good ratio of action scenes in comparison to the runtime, but it is pretty formulaic in how we get expositional scenes followed by characters needing to travel somewhere for the next action scene to take place. After throwing in a King Kong Easter egg or two that was pretty easy to spot, we move on to a facility called Castle Bravo. I’m pretty sure they took that name from a failed Cartoon Network show. This film takes itself way too seriously to try throwing some military facility called Castle Bravo at me. Oh, that’s also the name of Andy Cohen’s next reality show on Bravo.
This film is so frustrating because there’s stuff that looks so good. Like Monster Zero aka King Ghidora looks amazing frozen in ice. But there’s also such an overreliance on the classic blue and orange contrast used by so many movies nowadays. But we’ll get back to that in just a bit. If you’re still worried about the plot, please don’t be. It doesn’t matter. Vera has this machine that awakens all the monsters, and she teams up with some hippie terrorists to restore the world to a better state or something. I don’t know, truthfully, it’s been about a month since I watched this film, and I refuse to dwell on it. Kyle Chandler plays the cliched separated dad who should die so many times in this film but won’t because the studio paid him too much money to allow that to happen. And Millie Bobby Brown will help save the day while genuinely giving the best performance.
So we’re still at this facility in Antarctica, right, and the second action scene gets underway. This movie again does nothing but follows trends and uses up its one f-bomb in a PG-13 film, and this one might take the cake as the most pointless of them all. There’s some Wrath of the Titans vibes here, but all in all, the reveal of King Ghidora is decent. Ghidora battles Godzilla, and it culminates in what annoys me about this film. The slowest shot is a wide shot of the 2 titans, and it’s undoubtedly the best shot and was featured prominently in the trailers. That gives way to a much too dark fight with way too many cuts. This movie is titled King of the Monsters; I can’t believe I’m saying this, but just be more like Pacific Rim and give me some cool giant fights that I can sit back and enjoy. I will say that scattered throughout are moments where Godzilla or the other monsters are in like a dark storm cloud and there’s either lightning flashes or Zilla has the spikes on his back glow briefly and it’s extremely cheesy, but it’s also more of exactly what I want out of the film.
The movie turns back to its boring characters with no motivation and throws in Bradley Whitford just to try spicing things up. I’m going to take this time to say that the directing is terrible. It’s so bad and sigh-inducing. However, the music is pretty good. Back to the plot! I’m not sure if you’ve been paying attention because I hardly have, but they launch a bomb at one point. I don’t know what scientific principles went into this—perhaps the science of style—but the explosion is green and that really confused me.
Anyways, the third action scene again features Godzilla and King Ghidora. In this round Godzilla rips off one of Ghidora’s heads, very badass move. Less than five minutes later, the head completely regrows. So thanks for that waste of a moment. It’s around this point that Eleven realizes how wrong her mom Vera is, and in a moment of very on-the-nose dialogue, she says, “You’re a monster,” and storms away. Brilliant writing on display, folks.
I’m going to yada-yada some of the plot here. Kyle Chandler plays Mark who continues to run head-first into danger to very little consequence, and Godzilla swoops in to ex machina almost all of the important characters. Except—spoiler alert but who cares—for Sally Hawkins. The Oscar nominated actress dies very unceremoniously—think of the Asgardian warriors in Thor: Ragnarok. At one point Mothra hovers down from the heavens in ultimate cheese fashion. It’s a shame that the jokes in the film aren’t nearly good or consistent enough because the established films here aren’t very light-hearted; so, the movie tries taking itself seriously while having its cheese too and it just doesn’t work. I remember some of the later Harry Potter films having some really witty moments that worked. It doesn’t here.
Let’s talk about the climax. One of my previous reviews was of Her which I praised for its use of cool blues. There are so freaking many blues in this film, it’s such overkill. The climax is no exception. Despite this, the climax still provides some of the best shots. It’s dark and rainy and the camera is looking at a skyscraper and in the windows we see the reflection of Godzilla coming. King Ghidora also WWE takes down God “Blue Beams” Zilla. Good stuff. Shame we didn’t get more of it. There’s also a quick shot that switches seamlessly from a lull in the monster fight to having the camera turn to the right and transition to where some of the human characters are with the point of this being that it was reminiscent of the action scenes in Aquaman. How cool could this film have been if more of the film was shot like that movie? It would make better use of the environments, incorporate the humans more naturally, and the whole ordeal would feel more cohesive.
In my professional, critical opinion, this movie sucks. It’s one of the sadly too many cases where if you saw the trailers, you saw the best bits. There’s not many other cool shots or moments, and this movie certainly isn’t saved by complex characters or plot. If you’re looking for action during this quarantine, do yourself a favor and watch the John Wick trilogy. Heck, go watch Batman v Superman if you’re really kicking for some sort of CGI-fueled blockbuster. Just anything besides this monstrosity.
In Brief:
- I’ll consider compiling a list of what’s available for streaming during this quarantine that I would recommend. Call it the Gillipedia Criterion Collection or something dumb like that. I don’t know. We’ll see.
- There’s a couple of horror or thriller movies I’ve watched recently that I’ll consider reviewing. And please, if there’s any review or simple opinion you’d like to hear from me, let me know. I’ve been strongly considering adding some sort of official rating system to my reviews to help streamline everything, but that’s still up for debate. What’s not up for debate is the inclusion of Big Oof as one of the ratings. That would stay put, I assure you.
- If you have any other ideas, questions, comments, concerns, or big wads of cash that you’d like to throw at me, I’m open to anything. Except possibly Cats. Please don’t make me do that.
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