Underwater

 

Gillipedia Official Rating: Alien and Life meets the Mariana Trench, and none of it is very good

          We go back to the blissfully ignorant period that was January 2020 for this film. The biggest meme about the Rona was having Corona cans wearing a mask and having a Bud Light socially distance itself in the fridge. Anyways, enough down memory lane. Underwater came out in January, and apparently nobody decided to go see it. All in all, probably a rare smart call from the American public. This movie isn’t great. Grab your gear because it’s time to make a bunch of bad water puns and deep dive into this review.

          The opening credits are newspaper clippings and whatnot detailing this drilling rig at the deepest part of the ocean, pretty basic backstory stuff like that—all so they don’t have to bother explaining anything through the characters. The first shot is a somewhat impressive look at the pipe that travels seemingly endlessly into the pitch-black depths below before reaching the bottom where the crew is situated. And if you recall the trailer at all, this is where we find main star Kristen Stewart going for the shaved head and glasses look to dramatically brush her teeth. She spews off some dumb internal monologue about a cynical world, and the next thing we know, the rig starts blowing up.

          As water seeps in and things crash down, Stewart is able to find some crew and shut themselves off from the compromised areas. It should be worth noting here that Stewart loses her glasses in the opening sequence, and I thought they might make some conflict happen about how she can barely see. But it’s never addressed again, so no need to worry there.

          We soon run into shirtless TJ Miller, and he mentions some throwaway line about the company drilling too deep and probably hitting a tectonic plate. He also provides some comedic relief, like his obsession with his stuffed bunny, but that’s the extent of his character.

          None of the characters here are remotely interesting and venture anywhere beyond their prototypical roles. We have a captain that doesn’t like to talk about his past but leads the way with an iron heart, a girl that is completely overwhelmed by the situation and will gladly let everyone else do the heavy lifting before finally deciding to contribute right near the end of the film when most characters are already dead, and she also has a love interest or something that tags along. 

          These characters fit into their roles immediately, occasionally say a line or two to each other, and then start moving to the next location. Character development isn’t what the movie relies on. Oh, and Kristen Stewart comes across as a strange choice for the lead. She does a decent job of portraying some inner anxiety while trudging forward, but nothing about her character really ever screams leading protagonist—except that she has a kind heart. There’s also probably five moments throughout the film where she very clearly should’ve died, but she had to live because she’s the protagonist.

          As far as story beats go, I guess some areas weren’t accessible, making the only possible route to survival a base a mile across the ocean floor. I’m not positive because the dialogue is inaudible about 20% of the time. I believe for the most part, the captain says oh we can’t go here because bad, so we must go here even though dangerous. And everyone is pretty much like, you’re the cap, capt’n, let’s go. As lazy as the writing is for the characters, it’s even worse about providing tangible motivation for the characters to move from one location to another. For instance, about 40 minutes in it becomes clear that there’s some crazy, alien sea creature following them, but none of them ever really question going down a tunnel that has become half-flooded with water.

          And speaking of the creatures in this film, they’re weird. It’s a strange merman hybrid, and it pales significantly to Alien and to the highly underrated Alien-inspired film Life. And as a minor spoiler, the movie moves to a ridiculous climax where the characters run into the boss battle basically—an enormous sea creature that comes out of nowhere.

          Part of why I didn’t care for the creatures is how the action scenes are shot. I want to give high praise for all the times the characters are in their bulky suits (that of course are too slim for them to wear pants in, so they have to strip to their undies) and traverse in the water. Seeing all the particles floating through the beams of their flashlights looks really good. It also truly feels like they don’t have any vision except for the lights in front of them, but this also becomes a bit of a detriment. The filmmakers were determined to hardly let the audience ever view the creatures, so all the action scenes quickly jump around in the dark waters, and it’s difficult to make out any of what happens. There’s a scene in the latter half where for a solid 2 minutes during the action, I genuinely did not know what had happened.

          I have so many questions, but I don’t think the filmmakers thought long enough to cover any plot discrepancies. The motivations of the characters and creatures didn’t really connect with me. Like, Stewart tries having a bit of a heart-to-heart with scared chick later in the film; and it sounds like the making of a tender moment, but they were also still trudging along the bottom of the sea floor where all the creatures were still lurking. Of course, they weren’t in any real danger because there wasn’t dramatic music playing, but that’s not something the characters would be aware of. I’m also still not convinced that there wasn’t an easier way back to the surface, and I thought at the beginning it said there was a crew of like 300. They threw a couple numbers out there at the beginning, but I don’t know what happened to all the other employees. Which leads to one of the bigger—and more deliberate—question marks: the company funding this expedition. I believe the gist of it is that this corporation = bad guys. Some of the clippings suggest that they possibly knew about the creatures and didn’t do anything about it, but I don’t know. Typically, the motivation comes down to greed, but it’s hard to piece that together from the clues they give. The point here is that I don’t understand what the safety protocols would’ve been for such a large venture to just suddenly become 70% compromised, killing many employees.

          Scared chick also has one of the dumbest lines I’ve heard in recent memory around the middle of the film. Something about how we made Mother Nature mad, and now she’s fighting back. There’s just too many bad moments to justify whatever entertainment value this creature flick garners from its fine claustrophobic premise. If you’re looking for something that does Alien justice, I can’t recommend Life enough. The creature is menacing, the cast is top-notch, and it has great visuals and thrills.

 

In Brief:

• I think I have an idea on what to do for the next review. Stay tuned.
• Possibly one of the most important notes ever in the in brief section, I was scouring the internet and came across some music that almost everyone has heard before but undoubtedly have no idea what it’s from. Look up “The Mighty Rio Grande” by This Will Destroy You.