Venom vs Upgrade

Before diving into either movie, I should explain the choice to compare the two. I saw both for the first time recently, and both feature men (Tom Hardy and Logan Marshall-Green—both honestly even look alike, like you can freeze certain frames of Upgrade and believe you’re watching Hardy) in action movies who are for the most part controlled either by an alien symbiote or high tech computer chip. But despite this parallel concept for the action, the movies take very different routes in their approaches. So which of these movies do I recommend, if either? Well, I guess I wouldn’t be doing my job if I said so right here…………….. Definitely Upgrade. Like clearly, very much so Upgrade. It’s not even close. But both have their strengths and faults, so read on to hear my guilt and cholesterol free opinions.

Which movie would you like to hear about first? Alphabetical order sounds good to me. Venom (I’m not an English major, folks) gets off to a terrible start. Those first 20 minutes? Atrocious. As great as Tom Hardy is, and he is easily the best thing about this movie, his character has a rocky start that never gets that great of development. And after Michelle Williams—who is completely wasted in this film (talent-wise that is, her character probably would’ve been improved if she was wasted the whole time)—breaks up with Eddie Brock for destroying her career, I was actively rooting for them to not get back together. Oh, and let’s not forget about the slow journey of metallic symbiote Riot; it represents the absolute crux of superhero films not starring Batman. While Riot does a bad impression of the demon from It Follows, the bigger sin here is that it’s a regurgitation of Venom, only bigger, badder, and meaner. I understand the argument of saving Carnage for the sequel to focus on the origins of Venom, but that does not excuse a boring antagonist like Riot. Oh, and let’s double not forget about Carlton Drake portrayed by Riz Ahmed. Not only is this guy not intimidating in any fashion, his lines are cliched and Ahmed’s delivery is overperformed. It’s just not good.

But then a little spider named Eddie Brock meets a beautiful amoeba named Venom, and all is good in the world. The middle act is clearly where this movie shines, and it’s a catastrophic shame that there was clearly tons of content here that was cut from the movie. The back and forth between the two is incredible and has genuine humor, and I could watch the restaurant scene with the lobsters all day. It’s the dynamic that the nerds were looking forward to, and it delivers. Unfortunately, it is cheapened by a forced third act. On their way to stop the rocket from launching at the end, Venom chirps to Eddie that he has grown on the journalist and wants to continue their journey together, but after roughly 50 minutes of Eddie and Venom, their relationship still doesn’t feel nearly validated enough to warrant this sequel-building line.

Other goods and bads of the film: Good: side characters Dr. Dan and Dr. Dora. Reid Scott and Jenny Slate, respectively, both play quality characters while being dear in my heart for their roles in tv shows like Veep for Scott and the unforgettable Mona-Lisa in Parks and Recreation for Slate. Bad: Venom actually looks good, but the visual effects are muddled otherwise. There’s a smart color palette, use of the San Francisco location, and overall design for the film, but the film is literally overshadowed otherwise. Good: Venom. Bad: The PG-13 rating. You better believe I wanted to see Venom chomp people’s heads off. One more bad: It seems to be my cardinal sin for action films recently, but Venom is still guilty of lazy editing and missed opportunities—like the scene against the soldiers in the building honestly could’ve been much cooler than it was.

What does Upgrade do differently? Although it is abundantly clear that as soon as you’re introduced to Grey’s wife, you’re like yeah she dead, the movie directed by Saw and Insidious collaborator Leigh Whannell provides relevant information about the setting, characters, and vibe without any unnecessary garbage. This whole review is about the comparison to Venom, but Upgrade is really like a combination of Venom, both Blade Runners, and Ex Machina, and it’s easy to explain each one. Venom is the obvious comparison with the symbiotic relationship; the premise of Upgrade is a man named Grey in the near future becoming paralyzed after thugs kill his wife and shoot him, and with the help of Amazon Echo computer chip upgrade called Stem, he looks to solve his wife’s murder. Grey is a hands-on, old-school Tom Hardy look-alike that keeps mostly to himself, but one thing leads to another, and he ends up requiring physical assistance from Stem to fight his way out of sticky situations. And boy are the fighting scenes awesome. The combination of Logan Marshall-Green’s physical acting as his face says one thing while Stem’s systematic fighting says another with the neo-noir future settings and brutality that Venom was unable to achieve adds up to the undeniable cool factor that some films simply have over others. There’s even a car chase scene that’s just crisp and clean like say Jack Reacher.

And then you see the influences of sci-films. I could really even include THX 1138 in here (George Lucas before Star Wars), but the film Blade Runner 2049 had the futuristic technology that made loads of sense in the world, and there are the sharp contrasting colors floating in the very blue film; and the original Blade Runner holds a similar approach of building up the mystery of the plot and following the bread crumbs. And with the lighting, smooth directing, and presence of AI, Ex Machina fits snugly into the similarities to Upgrade as well. And if you’ve seen these great films, you can probably put together how this film plays out. It’s not never-before-seen stuff in terms of plot, but it’s very well executed.

This isn’t a perfect movie though. Now I’m a guy that’s sat through Saving Private Ryan and Quentin Tarantino films, but that doesn’t mean brutal and gory equals better. Yes, there’s a tenacity achieved that Venom could never reach at PG-13, but it really wasn’t necessary for me to see the insides of Gray’s spine as Stem is inserted into him. And there are a couple other examples where it’s all a bit much. But that’s probably my biggest critique. I don’t think it quite had the wow factor that Ex Machina and Blade Runner 2049 had on me, but it’s simply good enough to still be one of the hidden gem action movies that the likes of John Wick used to be when it first came out.

Released about four months apart, Venom and Upgrade were destined to be compared to each other. And I think Upgrade is the film Venom wishes it could be. I believe studio interference along with the many script changes hold roles in the result, but Venom isn’t a complete film the way it has potential to be. The movie is actually quite entertaining once Venom crosses path with Eddie (entertaining until the final act where it’s once again a CGI slobber-fest where punching each other really doesn’t do much), but that’s no excuse when you find movies like Upgrade that are entertaining and then some.

Avengers: Endgame: Spoiler Free!!

           

After I saw the movie at 7 on Thursday, when I exited the theater and saw the people in lines out the front door waiting for the 11 pm showing literally covering their ears with their hands so that nobody would spoil the movie for them, that’s when you notice how big a deal this movie is for people. First off, big thanks and shout out to Trinity Diamonds for proving my ticket so I had the opportunity to see the movie before almost everyone. And as promised by the title, I swear I’m not a big enough jerk to include spoilers—so read on anxiety-free.

            Although it’s really not necessary to have any refresher, keep in mind that this movie picks up right where Infinity War left off. That means the snap has happened, and Thanos is basking in the sunsets of a faraway planet. That leaves us with an oxygen-deprived Tony Stark and Nebula, and half of our remaining Avengers trying to keep their composure together long enough to figure out a plan to not only beat Thanos, but also hope beyond all hope that they can reverse the damage of the snap. We’re left with an interesting ragtag group of the heroes including most of what can be considered the original Avengers.

            As you may have guessed from a 3-hour movie, a bulk of the time will be spent with these superheroes. And I think that’s one of the many smart moves by this movie. Infinity War rightfully so placed a huge emphasis on Josh Brolin’s truly astounding Thanos, and this movie centers around the disheartened but not fully defeated Avengers—with the leading roles arguably being handed to Iron Man and Captain America (who still have making up to do from the fallout of Civil War). As a testament to Marvel’s ability to create compelling films, this movie breezes by about as much as it can for its length. Considering how long it took the producers to even decide where to end Infinity War and where to begin Endgame (they considered options such as a massive cliffhanger and middle finger to audiences by ending Infinity War right on the snap), editing is a bigger factor of this film than people would like to acknowledge. And while it may not win awards for it, the editing is commendable for the behemoth task undertaken, and there was only one moment in the film I noticed a sharp cut from where a scene was probably whittled down to help the runtime.

            And for a film where literally 50% of all living creatures have been decimated, the tone of the film actually strikes a good balance between somber and the more typical light-hearted fanfare of a Marvel film; keep in mind that the brother Russos started off with episodes from shows like Community and Arrested Development. I think I honestly found this film funnier that most people in the theater did, and every joke might not land, but I’m proud of this film’s humor. And there are the fair share of scenes that kind of reflect on the physical and psychological effects of the snap on both superheroes and everyday people, and these may feel more of a necessity than actual emotional impact or resonance, but from somebody that probably overanalyzes a lot of things, it’s fine overall.

            Now as far as what I can’t talk about, and I again swear against even hints of spoilers, as much as this film jokes about what has to happen, I think Endgame is more similar to certain films than it would really like to admit. It’s not exactly unprecedented territory, but I think you can actually chalk this up under the positive column because it really is such a different experience from Infinity War. When it comes down to it, there was really only one point in the story that actually took me by surprise, while a couple other moments I think deep down I knew had to happen. The film also absolutely asks you to suspend your disbeliefs, and for the superhero movie event like this, I think all of the audience will gladly comply.

            On to the CGI fighting! I really think the visual effects are actually a bit of a downgrade from Infinity War, but that’s in part because Infinity War had a much more sweeping scale of both differing locations and a bigger emphasis on lighting. Infinity War also had much more impressive action sequences, but that really also is partly in design. There’s a couple relatively cool moments in the action, probably more so for people that are more emotionally invested in these films than I am, but nothing too memorable. Like I honestly do miss a little bit the sweeping shots that Joss Whedon had that incorporated all the characters contributing to a battle in a single shot in the first two Avengers films; with that said, the brother Russos really do deserve a pat on the back for really making the superheroes feel at home in these films—in particular Thor maintains his loose, almost frantic energy from Ragnarok. And since she’s in the trailers, I do feel comfortable talking about Captain Marvel’s role a little bit. As to why she wasn’t in Infinity War? Well, they yada yada’d that explanation so hard, it was definitely a bit of a cop out. Not to mention I still don’t fully understand her powers, and she is disappointingly really only designated to more of an ex machina—trust me that isn’t a spoiler.

            I do have more opinionated thoughts on stuff like who survived the snap and if I agree on, along with who is ultimately dead and whatnot. Some things I certainly agree with much more than others. But to the extent of this film, it certainly takes an interesting direction that will have repercussions for all of the future films. Endgame really sold itself as a culmination to all the 20+ films leading up to this, and to that extent, it 100% succeeds. I’m more interested in Spider-Man: Far from Home because of how amazing Homecoming than how this film has impacted it, but that doesn’t mean I’m not still interested in all future Marvel movies because of what this film means. I do think there were a couple missed opportunities in specific moments both for visual effects and the action in general, but this is really me being critical. Avengers: Endgame is honestly a very solid film for Marvel fanatics and others alike. Go see the film, hopefully before the spoilers reach your door, probably best to skip out on the large soda, and just enjoy yourself. It’s ridiculous how much money this movie is making, but hats off to ya, Marvel. This is a very enjoyable movie that will probably hit home harder for some, and it does a wonderful, creative job of ending an era while providing ample opportunity for so many more doors to open for the MCU future. Oh, and with the snap having happened, Tobey Maguire comes out of retirement and Hulk smashes Doomsday to a bloody pulp while also insisting on referring to all of the Avengers as “Old sports.”



In Brief:

·       Had lots of movies I wanted to review, just haven’t gotten around to them yet. This may not be my busiest summer, so you may be hearing more of me then. You’re welcome obviously.

·       If you’re not excited about Detective Pikachu, I don’t wanna talk

·       If you have no idea what it is, go watch the first two John Wick movies because they do action absolutely right and Parabellum is going to be awesome.

·       Really conflicted about The Lion King and Aladdin. I love love love me some Lion King, and Jon Favreau did such a good job with The Jungle Book, but this is still different. Might just skip Aladdin because just why

·       Honestly underwhelmed by the Star Wars trailer. Yes, it’s just the first peek at it, but we’ll see. People will be clamoring Abrams to undo everything that happened in The Last Jedi, and I’m not on board with that.

Captain Marvel

I’ll be honest with you guys, I have plenty of complaints about this movie. There are some bright spots, and we will get to those as well; but just as an introduction on where my mindset is at, I think Captain Marvel is a very middle-of-the-road or even slightly worse Marvel movie.

            There’s no better place to start at than the beginning. I am basically convinced that much of the cutting board of the film is the beginning. It’s jumbled up and confusing, and it feels like the characters weren’t fleshed out all that much. I’m thinking that Marvel wanted to keep better pacing, so I’m convinced there are more scenes that we didn’t see. And it carries us over to what is probably my biggest complaint of all. From the opening training scene super reminiscent of “I know kung fu” from The Matrix to the first real action scene, not only is the lighting pretty terrible, but more importantly, the editing is absolutely atrocious. You can tell that people like Brie Larson and Jude Law trained for months in preparation for their roles, and you hardly get to see any of it because of how many quick shots are in each and every action scene. Either go take notes from extended, steady cam scenes from the likes of John Wick, Children of Men, or the Christopher McQuarrie Mission Impossible films just to name a few; or go watch Paul Greengrass’s The Bourne Supremacy and Ultimatum to figure out how to do quick edit, shaky cam fights correctly.

            We are also introduced to some side Kree characters that feel like they could’ve been used similarly to the Asgardian warriors in Thor. Unfortunately, these characters are forgotten about for most of the rest of the film. Which I would have been mostly fine with because it allows depth into the whole ‘90s vibe of the film with Fury and Coulson, but Djimon Hounsou is part of the group. He is a perpetually underrated and used actor who has been in Gladiator, Amistad, and gives a killer performance in Blood Diamond. His character is actually the same as when he had a small role in Guardians of the Galaxy, but that really doesn’t matter because he’s hardly in this film anyways.

            Now to address the small elephant in the room, and I’m not talking about the Dumbo preview, maybe I’m being harsh on a movie that is supposed to be so important for an empowering message for females everywhere. And to that defense, Brie Larson isn’t the problem of the film. She clearly put loads of work into the role, and her personality and origin story is one of the best of the Marvel universe and stands out. With that said, I thought this movie was going to be so much funnier than it was. And it had some potential, but the comedic timing is so drastically off. And many of those jokes involved Ms. Marvel, but I’m going to put that blame on the directors.

            As far as story goes, there’s both good and bad. There are two elements to a plot twist that happens, and one part I found predictable, but the other lent itself to some great character development. On a totally unrelated note, Ben Mendelsohn I think does the best job acting in the film, and that’s while he’s under all of that makeup. But anyways, the good part of the story is the actual origin element. Iron Man worked so incredibly well, and even though it was pretty much a carbon copy, Doctor Strange also satisfied with his origin. But Marvel was getting to the brink of overplaying its card. Luckily, this is a fresh story that works well.

            As far as visual effects go, I was underwhelmed. Technically speaking, the de-aging process for Fury and Coulson is incredible and much better than totally animated Tarkin from Rogue One, but in a similar sense, you still know that it’s fake and it’s hard to keep that out of your mind. Beyond that there are a couple interesting moments in the memory sequences, but I’d describe the overall visual effects as pretty subpar for Marvel standards.

            The movie works really well when it hunkers down on the ‘90s references and lets the actors shine without much interference from the editing room or the directors, but with a totally forgettable score, subpar visuals, and the worst edited fight sequences so far from Marvel, Captain Marvel was a little underwhelming. I wish the character the best, and there’s certainly plenty to look forward to in Endgame, but when some of the best moments are from the cat Goose, this does not rank too high on my Marvel list. Maybe I’m being cynical, but in the name of justice of movie reviews, I’m okay with that.

In Brief:

·       I saw the two big animated films that came out recently: The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part, and How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World. Lego Movie 2 is both worse than the first and The Lego Batman Movie, but there’s still solid humor. And although not quite as good as the fantastic How to Train Your Dragon 2, The Hidden World is a stunning sequel that caps the trilogy in fashion. Seriously, some of the wide shots of the landscapes in that film are breathtaking, and it has a terrific villain, moving story, and humor and heart to boot as well. If you’re thinking of seeing one or the other, my vote is absolutely for Dragon.

·       You can catch me watching Jordan Peele’s Us at some point. I enjoyed Get Out, didn’t think it was amazing, but I did enjoy it. But Us is something I really have been looking forward to.

·       I have not been impressed by the live-action remakes of Disney’s animated films coming up. Probably won’t see Dumbo, and as much as I don’t see the need to update the visuals and modernize Aladdin and The Lion King, I might end up seeing those anyways just because I love those movies—especially The Lion King.

·       The Toy Story 4 trailer dropped, and I can tell already that that movie is going to make me emotional.

Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

I seriously think the best way to describe this movie is by calling it the black sheep love child of Edward Scissorhands and Les Miserables. At this point in time, it became the 6^th collaboration between director Tim Burton and star Johnny Depp, and if I’m being honest, it’s not one of their best.

            This film is considered a horror musical drama—and arguably a bit of comedy—and it never realizes the full potential of any. The story is about Benjamin Barker, London’s best barber, who is exiled after Judge Turpin takes a fancy to his wife. Barker returns 15 years later in the droopiest and most poorly lit London has been in awhile as the new Sweeney Todd; he wanders into Mrs. Lovett’s gross meat pie shop to learn that his wife was abused by the judge and committed suicide and now Judge Turpin is the guardian of Todd’s 15-year-old (the actress is clearly older) daughter, and the stage is set for revenge. It takes awhile for the barbering to start happening, and even longer for the demonic slaughtering, but the blood does eventually start to flow.

            You have the partnership: Todd shaves and slits the throats of customers, and Mrs. Lovett takes the eco-friendly approach by not allowing any product to go to waste and turns Todd’s customers into her famous meat pies. You have the underlying motivation of Lovett wanting to impress Todd, and Todd waiting for the right opportunity to give Judge Turpin the closest shave of his life. You have the disgusting villain with his willing and loyal lackey. And you have the young love just out of reach of each other with the promise of a beautiful future together communicated through little more than looks and glances. So where does it go wrong?

            This movie adapted from Stephen Sondheim’s (West Side Story, Into the Woods, among others) musical starts off with a title sequence that has an absolutely incredible orchestrated score. Unfortunately, after that is when little things start to unravel the big picture. None of the stars, okay Helena Bonham Carter and Sacha Baron Cohen are scene-stealing, really stand out with an obviously amazing or atrocious voice. The songs themselves have moments of interesting lyrics and pacing, but again, nothing all that memorable. And the movie itself becomes stuck in a weird limbo of not knowing how serious or light-hearted to be, and the end result feels muddled for it.

            Johnny Depp is dark and brooding and mysterious and murderous, but there isn’t much to find performance-wise beneath the surface—and some of this complaint must be aimed at director Tim Burton as well. Alan Rickman’s Judge Turpin never is given enough to warrant a feeling of dread whenever appearing on-screen like Russell Crowe’s presence did in Les Miserables. The young guns of Johanna and Anthony have little more than a throwaway romance, but there are still bright spots. Bonham Carter had the most compelling character, and Cohen’s Pirelli was the perfect contrast. Props to the kid who played Toby as well, and the wonderful Timothy Spall rounded out all the Harry Potter characters appearing together for this movie (Wormtail, Snape, and Bellatrix).

            There isn’t enough meat (pies) in the story, so I found myself multiple times wondering how close I was to the end of the film during one of the many bland musical numbers. And this review would be much more scathing if not for a quality plot twist right near the end. But maybe you’re not seeing this movie for the story or songs. Maybe you want to see the bloody wonders Tim Burton created behind the whole concept of demonic barber. There’s certainly tons of blood flow—granted not all that realistic—but it didn’t really do it for me. As noted earlier it takes awhile to reach the blood, and I just don’t think it or watching other Londoners follow up by chowing down on the pies is worth the wait.

            Here’s why this movie never really works for me: I think it was the wrong move to go literally dark instead of more whimsical. The latter half of the film more so just grossed me out instead of entrancing me like I think it had the potential to do if everything was less tongue-in-pie and more tongue-in-cheek. There are some funny moments, and they could have been amped up instead of being overshadowed by the goal to go dark and damp and much too focused on the revenge. The movie did rightfully win an Oscar for makeup, and I think it would’ve been deserving for the win for the awesome costumes, but this is one barber I won’t be leaving a positive review for on Yelp.  All in all if you want Tim Burton and Johnny Depp, there are better choices like Edward Scissorhands.

In Brief:

·       It’s hard to make this claim now since it’s already tallying up its first weekend box office results, but I have been calling for weeks that Alita: Battle Angel will be one of the biggest blockbuster busts of 2019. It may not reach that level based on its decent first weekend haul, but this supposedly cinematic experience from the producer of Avatar and positive reviews from what only seems to be Twitter users isn’t a good sign. It’s trying to oversell itself, and I just don’t think it looks all that interesting.

·       With the Oscars 1 week away, might as well get into my thoughts on everything and predictions. Disclaimer: I honestly haven’t seen many of the films mostly because 2018 was not the best year for films and the nominees didn’t look very interesting or worth my money.

·       Best Picture: I wanted to see BlacKkKlansman, and I’d put my money on either that or Alfonso Cuaron’s Roma. Honestly, Black Panther didn’t deserve a nod. It was an entertaining film, but I really don’t think it was even the best Marvel movie of the year—maybe going more in-depth on that will happen another time. My Best Picture? Based solely off what I watched and my internal ranking system, my Runner-up is Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, with special acknowledgements to Mission Impossible: Fallout, Hereditary, and A Quiet Place, and my favorite movie of the year being Annihilation. The more I go back to it, the more I enjoy that film.

·       I’m hoping Christian Bale takes home Best Actor, but Rami Malek is looking to be a strong contender.

·       I really have no idea for Best Actress, so let’s just give it to Glenn Close.

·       I’d feel pretty confident in Mahershala Ali winning Supporting Actor.

·       If the 2 ladies from The Favourite split their votes for Supporting Actress, the win goes to Regina King.

·       I had Best Animated Film as Brad Bird and Incredibles 2 all the way up until Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse came around and blew everything out of the water as one of the best Spider-Man and animated movies to come out in a long time.

·       I think there could have been better nominees for Cinematography, so let’s pick an underdog in Cold War.

·       I do think Black Panther absolutely deserves a nomination for Costume Design, but maybe the voters felt some magic for Mary Poppins Returns.

·       I have Alfonso Cuaron edging out Yorgos Lanthimos for Director.

·       Based on the one I’d be most interested in watching, I’m giving Documentary to Free Solo.

·       For Live Action Short Film and Documentary: Pick ‘em. Please. I have no idea.

·       I’m going to say Bohemian Rhapsody beats out Green Book for editing.

·       Don’t see how you could pick any other Foreign Language film over Roma.

·       Since Darkest Hour won last year, Vice will follow this year and win Makeup.

·       Mary Poppins Returns could easily win Best Score, but I would not be disappointed if Alexandre Desplat won for Isle of Dogs.

·       “Shallow” for Song.

·       Black Panther or First Man for Production Design.

·       Really enjoyed the adorable Bao, so that’s my shoe-in for Short Animated Film.

·       I loved the Sound Editing of A Quiet Place, but it feels like the absence of sound for much of that film means it can’t win. Give it to Bohemian Rhapsody.

·       Pick ‘em for Sound Mixing.

·       Extremely disappointed Annihilation didn’t get a nomination for Visual Effects. I had issues with the CGI in moments for both Solo and Avengers: Infinity War, so my vote is for Ready Player One.

·       Adapted Screenplay is probably If Beale Street Could Talk, but this is close between a couple others.

·       And Original Screenplay must be Green Book.

·       As a closing note, I agreed with Ellen when she told and gave her reasoning for why Kevin Hart should’ve stayed on as host, but I’m not going to get into that. Overall, most likely won’t watch live because there’s really no point.

·       The good news is that after a few super duds of releases of films, there’s stuff now or coming out that I might check out, and there are others on the horizon to look forward to. As for right now, you can probably catch me going animated with both The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part, and How to Train your Dragon: The Secret World will honestly probably be worth checking out in theaters after a great first film and an even better sequel.

The Best Spider-Man Movie Ever?

           

You remember The Lego Batman Movie? Crisp animation, really funny, strong and varied characters, and a fun story overall made it a really enjoyable movie—if not as strong as the amazing The Lego Movie. Now if you apply all of that praise I just mentioned and think better in every category, that’s how you get Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse.

            When you watch the credits and see just how many animators worked on this film, it makes sense that it took three people to direct this behemoth. And they pull it off spectacularly. The movie looks just like a comic book in the best possible way, thought bubbles and action sounds included. The story centers around Dope’s Shameik Moore’s Miles Morales as he navigates an elite boarding school before quickly being bitten by a radioactive spider to become that dimension’s second Spider-Man after the aging 26-year-old Chris Pine Peter Parker. And it’s when we follow Miles and hear his thoughts that the directing is at its best. The writing is so witty and relatable and so quickly paced that even when the very occasional joke misses, the movie swings right along.

            This movie is almost 2 hours long, and it deserves every second. The buildup to the mashing of dimensions takes its time, but the beginning is so strong that the pacing works. The best way to describe it is to compare How to Train Your Dragons 2. As strange as it sounds, one of the best things about that movie is how in between the beautiful action scenes were the most compelling transition and expositional and character developing scenes in an animated film that simply had characters talking to each other without much else going on. That’s how this movie is: even before Miles gets those tingly spidey senses, the movie is compelling through and through.

            It’s at this point in a review where I take a break from praising the film and start pointing out small critiques. Yeah, not for this movie. We’re introduced to Peter B. Parker (the awesome Jake Johnson of New Girl fame, also in Tag and Jurassic World), a Spider-Man from a different dimension where his real life has been torn apart more than the space-time continuum and has resulted in Parker losing both motivation to continue saving lives and his waist line. It’s this Parker that reluctantly agrees to show Miles the webs as they work together to take down Kingpin and his machine.

            Since they’re obviously shown in the trailers, I don’t see it as a spoiler to talk about the other Spideys we meet. There’s Spider-Gwen (or Spider-Woman if you prefer) that interacts with Miles only less than Peter B. Parker, Spider-Man Noir from a black and white era who eats justice and oreos for breakfast and is played by freaking Nic Cage, and he’s contrasted by Peni Parker, an anime style girl from centuries in the future who fights using her best friend mecha spider bot. And of course you have to love John Mulaney’s Peter Porker Spider-Ham from an anthropomorphic dimension. With this supporting cast of heroes and the dynamics and interactions among them, you have a more than capable film already. But this is rounded out by strong subplot featuring Miles’s uncle (Mahershala Ali) and dad (Brian Tyree Henry, Atlanta’s Paper Boi), and villains like Kingpin, Doc Ock, and even Green Goblin. All three of these villains have fun, unique characteristics, but my favorite had to be how the directors utilized Kingpin’s massive stature in his black suit and even giving him a totally plausible motivation for why he wants to keep using his dimension squashing machine.

            Oh yeah, and after you factor in the animation, characters, action, and story, you’re still left with a strong score and one of the best movie soundtracks you’ll find. If I had to say something negative, and I’m really pulling silky strings here, I noticed during the credits that Post Malone was given like one line to say. Oh well. His trip to Olive Garden with Jimmy Fallon was funny, so everything evens out. I like Spider-Man 3 more than most people do (and probably enjoy the first two less than others), and really enjoyed both Amazing movies (yes, both had faults still), but they don't compare anywhere close to this film, so that leaves a toss-up on whether this movie or Spider-Man: Homecoming is the best Spider-Man movie. And I honestly put Homecoming as a top three Marvel movie, I enjoyed it that much. Since I seriously can’t lean one way or the other between the two, I will say that as much as I adored Brad Bird’s Incredibles 2, this is all eight hands down the best animated film of the year. If using the categories of humor, animation, story, characters, music, and directing, this film excels at all.

            Oh, and stay for the credits. They’re strange but worth it.

In Brief:

·       I liked Get Out (not as much as some people, but still), but wow does Us look good.

·       I honestly think 2018 was a pretty weak year as evidenced by Bohemian Rhapsody winning the Golden Globe for Best Drama, but I really can’t offer input since I didn’t watch most of these films. With that said, congrats to Christian Bale and to the underrated Ben Whishaw.

·       Prediction: both A Dog’s Way Home and (sorry Keanu) Replicas look forgettable, so if you’re going to a movie and you’ve already seen the previously reviewed movie, stick to what’s already out, maybe even the recently released Escape Room.

Aquaman

I hope you guys like cheese with your H₂0 because there’s plenty in this movie. I’ll be honest: I’m more of a fan of the DC Universe than most. I enjoyed Batman vs Superman a good amount, really liked Wonder Woman (particularly after the first hour), thought Suicide Squad was entertaining enough, and found Justice League to be bearable. I’d probably pit Aquaman above the likes of Suicide Squad and Justice League but below Wonder Woman. There’s a lot of entertaining moments along with some cringe in this movie, so let’s go ahead and… dive… right in.

            Jason Momoa, aka Khal Drogo and even Conan, works perfectly as Arthur Curry, aka Fishboy—excuse me, Fishman. I mean, just, what a man. Even the multiple actors who play young Aquaman are well cast. But speaking of those flashbacks, young Willem Dafoe is one creepy dude; imagine a 60-year-old man looking up YouTube makeup tutorials from a tween girl, and that’s a bit like what he looks like—I swear those eyebrows are the stuff nightmares are made of. Curry is the son of the Queen of Atlantis—goddess Nicole Kidman—and a lighthouse keeper played by freaking Jango Fett himself (credit to Seth Sanders for pointing this out to me). Patrick Wilson is a good contrast to Momoa, but he’s a bland villain overall. Amber Heard as Lady Mera puts in a fine performance, but I’ll talk later about some of the dumb story points that involve her.

            And I have to dedicate a new paragraph for how bad Black Manta is. From his first scene where he raises his arm and yells, “NOOOOOOO,” as his father (Mr. HIV positive from E.R. as well as a bit part in the new show The Rookie) gets pinned under a torpedo as their submarine starts sinking, to his second scene where his only direction was to snarl and look menacing, to his third scene… It’s fine that Aquaman doesn’t take things too seriously, but it’s still not good if I’m chuckling at what are supposed to be some of the more serious parts. Of all the over-the-top acting and dialogue, Black Manta is the worst of them all.

            I’ll try not talking about the plot too much because, let’s face it, there isn’t much of one. Kudos to this movie for condensing the origin part of everything down, but the filmmakers knew going in that it wasn’t going to be the story that would sell the movie tickets. The film is over 2 hours long, and there were a couple parts where I could tell scenes had been whittled down just to keep the movie at its current length, but there weren’t any too egregious editing mishaps. When we’re introduced to Atlantis, we see glimpses of the ecosystem, economy, politics, lifestyles, and how the Atlantians and sea creatures live harmoniously, but one of my biggest wishes from the film was for them to go more in-depth on how the Atlantis society functioned. Again, I’ll explain more later, but they yada-yada’d over stuff so they wouldn’t have to explain other choices made in the movie.

            While there are occasional logical gaps in some of the storytelling, it all breezes along fine since nobody is really worried about it anyways. But I will not let the Sicily, Italy, scene go unheard because it’s awful. Worse trash than the pollution shown in the film is the lovey-dovey, smoochey smoochey element of Arthur and Mera. Their banter back and forth is more hit than miss, but instead of keeping a solid chemistry between the leads like how Aaron Sorkin has it in the greatest movie ever A Few Good Men, we are forced to watch them make it a relationship, and more than it being utterly predictable, it’s just bad. And this is exemplified by one of the worst uses of a soundtrack ever in a movie. Why in the world am I watching a superhero movie when I suddenly hear Pitbull singing—wait for it— “Ocean to Ocean.” After this is used in a transition scene, there’s also a love song played while Mera humorously adjusts to landlubber life in Italy much to the amusement of Arthur; the scene is fine and has a couple laughs, but the song is so heavy-handed and on the nose and just kills everything. It’s weird and the songs aren’t very good either; okay fine, the song played during the end credits is decent, but that shouldn’t even count. And to top it all off, when Pitbull isn’t rapping, we’re graced by the worst score in a DC movie yet. Hans Zimmer utilized excellent themes for the 3 big heroes in Batman vs. Superman, but this sadly doesn’t include Aquaman, so the score by Rupert Gregson-Williams ends up consisting of music that works better for trailers and rips off the Inception bwaahhhummhhhhh. For the record I think I did a solid job interpreting what that sound is.

            Okay, after that little rant, let’s switch it up a bit. I think one of the best things going for Aquaman is director James Wan. Outside of a couple miniscule critiques, the way he choreographed the action sequences I thought was wonderful. This movie is a huge CG-fest. For the most part, the CGI is fine and sometimes pretty good. I absolutely dug every time he probably made his cinematographer dizzy by swirling the camera around the action without using noticeable cuts. If you’re creating a no holds barred sci-fi CGI action film, this is the way I want the action to be. Even the smaller stunts are just cool idea after cool idea. And this is possible by one of the best and worst things about the movie—there are essentially no rules. I have no idea what is supposed to hurt Aquaman and what isn’t, how the water physics and abilities work, who in Atlantis gets to use Jedi water force tricks and who doesn’t, and how advanced the technology is (they explain it a wee bit). This opens up the action to allow any cool thing to happen, but it also eliminates some of the tensions and thrills associated with thinking a key character is actually in danger of being seriously hurt or killed. But to the credit of Aquaman, since they do in fact embrace the corny, this ends up being more of a minor critique.

            And to talk a bit more of the CGI, if this was an old school video game where the graphics were based on how realistic the water looked, then this movie wins. There are really cool implementations of water including water holograms and baddies spewing out water when a limb is chopped off. One of the most impressive things to me is how the characters interacted underwater. The hair moves in a believable way (including Momoa’s beard), the slightly muffled voices get the desires effect without being distracting or inaudible, and the characters are consistently drenched whenever they transition from underwater to a dry or secluded area. Obviously, plenty of green screens had to be used, and besides some of the backgrounds looking flat, the film holds up nicely all the way through. Most of the sea creatures look pretty good too, but most importantly, this movie answers what a shark sounds like, which apparently is close to a lion’s roar.

            Okay, if I was to sum up what kind of experience you’ll get from Aquaman, this is how I’d do it. There’s an escape sequence with Arthur and Mera, and Arthur has a funny line about using something from Pinocchio to help them escape. Not even 5 minutes go by and we’re now in Sicily in the previously described scene. A little girl throws a coin in a fountain, and Mera uses her Jedi water tricks to make water dolphins start dancing in the fountain. The little girl is amazed and runs to tell her mother. Arthur and Mera start talking, and in the background the little girl buys a book. Of all the street shops in all the towns in all the world, the little girl buys Pinocchio and hands it to Mera. Granted, Arthur gets a funny punchline out of this, but it’s this type of schtick that can be overbearing.

            There’s a lot that happens in the forefront and in the background, and this works well in the action scenes, but the cheesiness is too much when the movie has to story. The costumes are beautiful, the film has a good color palette, and James Wan and Jason Momoa are the primary reasons why Aquaman is able to work in the first place, but it really mostly comes down to how willing you are to go along for the ride. I think the movie is pretty enjoyable all around and would even give my recommendation to see it in theaters, but just know that the cheese is strong in this one.

In Brief:

·       Won’t have too much in this section since I still need to see the other 3 December movies I mentioned in the Adaptation. review.

·       Mentioned both E.R. and The Rookie. E.R. has a ridiculous amount of episodes, and The Rookie is still in its first season, and I give my recommendation for both shows.

·       According to Nik Durman and Noah Yarborough, Love Island is quality trash to check out, and I think I might just do that.

·       The MIB: International trailer hit, and I have hopes for it—big fan of all 3 of those films.

·       I am so excited for Detective Pikachu next summer.

·       If I ever take like a week to rewatch all the Marvel movies, I’d like to a ranking of all those. 

Adaptation!

So here I am. Writing a movie review. The day is July 17. I just wrote a review for that dinosaur movie starring a guardian of a galaxy and need to branch off. But what is there to do? Certainly there is a review out there waiting to be tackled by my very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for other critics. Hm, there’s nothing more different from the action blockbuster than Adaptation.! Of course, it makes perfect sense. I’ll get to work immediately and crank this out.

--Months pass, friends are lost, babies are born, movies are watched—

Why have I not begun? Is it because this film doesn’t fall into my traditional format for review writing? Where’s my eye-popping and witty intro segued into a body full of useful information and basic plot points? I’m running out of time, I promised my agent a review by noon 10 weeks ago! What to do, what to do…

“Hello, Jacob.”

Oh, hey twin and not at all plot convenient brother Jeffrey Gill! What brings you here?

“I just wanted to check in on how that new review of yours was coming along! You know, since I took your advice and started my own blog, I’ve been able to quit my daytime job to pursue this full time! How crazy is that?”

Yeah, super crazy, Jeffrey. Look, I’m a bit busy on this review and all, and you know, I usually do this stuff. By myself.

“Hey, I understand! But if there’s anything I could do, after all that my baby bro has done for me, well, nothing would make me happier.”

Well actually, this is the longest I’ve gone without a review, and it just feels like nothing is coming together.

“Well let’s see… Adaptation.? That’s that Nic Cage film, right?”

Yeah, you know he was born—

“—Nicolas Kim Coppola? Yeah, you used to tell me that all the time. Well, he’s got a new movie coming out. That uh Amazing, no, Incredible, no, Ultimate, no, oh! Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse. That’s it. Yeah, he’s got a pretty big role in that I heard. There’s your intro right there.”

Wow, yeah, that’s perfect. Well guys, I’m back and objectively better than ever. If you’re confused at all by what’s happening, and I’m absolutely assuming you are, let’s clear the air. Charlie Kaufman is one of the most unique writer/directors in Hollywood who wrote one of my favorite movies—Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Before that, however, he found success writing Being John Malkovich (directed by Her director Spike Jonze). After this, Kaufman was tasked to write a screen adaptation of the book The Orchid Thief by Susan Orlean. Realizing that this book has very little action and conflict, Kaufman gets writer’s block. His solution? He starts writing a screenplay about Charlie Kaufman unable to write a screenplay about The Orchid Thief. This turns into the movie Adaptation. about Charlie Kaufman and his fictional twin brother Donald that advances the plot with both brothers being played by Nic Cage, and Meryl Streep comes along to play Susan Orlean and Spike Jonze directs as well.

If you’re thinking Kaufman is one weird dude, you’re 100% right. His films (including Synecdoche, New York) all work to varying degrees. Although Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind still tops the list for me and Being John Malkovich is tons of fun, Adaptation. is close up there. Even under 2 hours it drags in parts, and sometimes Cage’s flawed Charlie Kaufman character is a bit too much to handle. With that said, his dual performance might just be my favorite Nic Cage performance (can’t stand Leaving Las Vegas, fight me). Kaufman’s script is also possibly his strongest, and Meryl Streep provides an unhinged performance. Of Cage, Streep, Chris Cooper, and Kaufman, Cooper is the one who won the Oscar for his category of Best Supporting Actor (Streep did win the Golden Globe though). I think he was the least deserving, but I think it had mostly to do with who they were competing against. Side note: Kaufman was listed twice when he got his writing nomination because they gave credit to Donald Kaufman as well. Throw in a great ending, and everything adds up to one of the most unique, strange, and fun films out there.

Intro? Check. Plot summary? Check. Critique? Check. All that’s missing is an ending deserving of the movie…

“If there’s one thing I’ve learned, Jacob, it’s that you’re at your best when you write from the heart.”

Wow, Jeffrey, thanks. I really needed to hear that cliched motivational statement. If you’re interested in Adaptation., it does help to have first seen Being John Malkovich as this movie literally opens with Charlie Kaufman on the set of Malkovich. I will still contend that the best introduction to Kaufman’s work is Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind with Jim Carrey in a career-defining starring role. How’s that?

“Great stuff! Now end the review.”

But how?

“Like this.

“The end.”

In Brief:

·       I have to pat myself on the back because I was totally right when I said Mission Impossible: Fallout was going to be the movie of the summer. Granted, it was a pretty weak summer (and year to be honest), but still.

·       I have a couple more reviews I have planned, so hopefully more will be on the way soon. Also, after some lackluster months, December is looking pretty great. After watching a 5-minute extended trailer, I was sold that Aquaman will actually be good. Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse seriously also looks good, might go see Clint Eastwood in The Mule because who knows how many more movies ol’ Blondie has got left in him, and there’s no way Christian Bale as Dick Cheney and Sam Rockwell as George W. Bush in Vice isn’t a winning combination.

·       Die Hard is the greatest Christmas movie.