Adaptation!

So here I am. Writing a movie review. The day is July 17. I just wrote a review for that dinosaur movie starring a guardian of a galaxy and need to branch off. But what is there to do? Certainly there is a review out there waiting to be tackled by my very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for other critics. Hm, there’s nothing more different from the action blockbuster than Adaptation.! Of course, it makes perfect sense. I’ll get to work immediately and crank this out.

--Months pass, friends are lost, babies are born, movies are watched—

Why have I not begun? Is it because this film doesn’t fall into my traditional format for review writing? Where’s my eye-popping and witty intro segued into a body full of useful information and basic plot points? I’m running out of time, I promised my agent a review by noon 10 weeks ago! What to do, what to do…

“Hello, Jacob.”

Oh, hey twin and not at all plot convenient brother Jeffrey Gill! What brings you here?

“I just wanted to check in on how that new review of yours was coming along! You know, since I took your advice and started my own blog, I’ve been able to quit my daytime job to pursue this full time! How crazy is that?”

Yeah, super crazy, Jeffrey. Look, I’m a bit busy on this review and all, and you know, I usually do this stuff. By myself.

“Hey, I understand! But if there’s anything I could do, after all that my baby bro has done for me, well, nothing would make me happier.”

Well actually, this is the longest I’ve gone without a review, and it just feels like nothing is coming together.

“Well let’s see… Adaptation.? That’s that Nic Cage film, right?”

Yeah, you know he was born—

“—Nicolas Kim Coppola? Yeah, you used to tell me that all the time. Well, he’s got a new movie coming out. That uh Amazing, no, Incredible, no, Ultimate, no, oh! Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse. That’s it. Yeah, he’s got a pretty big role in that I heard. There’s your intro right there.”

Wow, yeah, that’s perfect. Well guys, I’m back and objectively better than ever. If you’re confused at all by what’s happening, and I’m absolutely assuming you are, let’s clear the air. Charlie Kaufman is one of the most unique writer/directors in Hollywood who wrote one of my favorite movies—Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Before that, however, he found success writing Being John Malkovich (directed by Her director Spike Jonze). After this, Kaufman was tasked to write a screen adaptation of the book The Orchid Thief by Susan Orlean. Realizing that this book has very little action and conflict, Kaufman gets writer’s block. His solution? He starts writing a screenplay about Charlie Kaufman unable to write a screenplay about The Orchid Thief. This turns into the movie Adaptation. about Charlie Kaufman and his fictional twin brother Donald that advances the plot with both brothers being played by Nic Cage, and Meryl Streep comes along to play Susan Orlean and Spike Jonze directs as well.

If you’re thinking Kaufman is one weird dude, you’re 100% right. His films (including Synecdoche, New York) all work to varying degrees. Although Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind still tops the list for me and Being John Malkovich is tons of fun, Adaptation. is close up there. Even under 2 hours it drags in parts, and sometimes Cage’s flawed Charlie Kaufman character is a bit too much to handle. With that said, his dual performance might just be my favorite Nic Cage performance (can’t stand Leaving Las Vegas, fight me). Kaufman’s script is also possibly his strongest, and Meryl Streep provides an unhinged performance. Of Cage, Streep, Chris Cooper, and Kaufman, Cooper is the one who won the Oscar for his category of Best Supporting Actor (Streep did win the Golden Globe though). I think he was the least deserving, but I think it had mostly to do with who they were competing against. Side note: Kaufman was listed twice when he got his writing nomination because they gave credit to Donald Kaufman as well. Throw in a great ending, and everything adds up to one of the most unique, strange, and fun films out there.

Intro? Check. Plot summary? Check. Critique? Check. All that’s missing is an ending deserving of the movie…

“If there’s one thing I’ve learned, Jacob, it’s that you’re at your best when you write from the heart.”

Wow, Jeffrey, thanks. I really needed to hear that cliched motivational statement. If you’re interested in Adaptation., it does help to have first seen Being John Malkovich as this movie literally opens with Charlie Kaufman on the set of Malkovich. I will still contend that the best introduction to Kaufman’s work is Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind with Jim Carrey in a career-defining starring role. How’s that?

“Great stuff! Now end the review.”

But how?

“Like this.

“The end.”

In Brief:

·       I have to pat myself on the back because I was totally right when I said Mission Impossible: Fallout was going to be the movie of the summer. Granted, it was a pretty weak summer (and year to be honest), but still.

·       I have a couple more reviews I have planned, so hopefully more will be on the way soon. Also, after some lackluster months, December is looking pretty great. After watching a 5-minute extended trailer, I was sold that Aquaman will actually be good. Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse seriously also looks good, might go see Clint Eastwood in The Mule because who knows how many more movies ol’ Blondie has got left in him, and there’s no way Christian Bale as Dick Cheney and Sam Rockwell as George W. Bush in Vice isn’t a winning combination.

·       Die Hard is the greatest Christmas movie.