Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

I seriously think the best way to describe this movie is by calling it the black sheep love child of Edward Scissorhands and Les Miserables. At this point in time, it became the 6^th collaboration between director Tim Burton and star Johnny Depp, and if I’m being honest, it’s not one of their best.

            This film is considered a horror musical drama—and arguably a bit of comedy—and it never realizes the full potential of any. The story is about Benjamin Barker, London’s best barber, who is exiled after Judge Turpin takes a fancy to his wife. Barker returns 15 years later in the droopiest and most poorly lit London has been in awhile as the new Sweeney Todd; he wanders into Mrs. Lovett’s gross meat pie shop to learn that his wife was abused by the judge and committed suicide and now Judge Turpin is the guardian of Todd’s 15-year-old (the actress is clearly older) daughter, and the stage is set for revenge. It takes awhile for the barbering to start happening, and even longer for the demonic slaughtering, but the blood does eventually start to flow.

            You have the partnership: Todd shaves and slits the throats of customers, and Mrs. Lovett takes the eco-friendly approach by not allowing any product to go to waste and turns Todd’s customers into her famous meat pies. You have the underlying motivation of Lovett wanting to impress Todd, and Todd waiting for the right opportunity to give Judge Turpin the closest shave of his life. You have the disgusting villain with his willing and loyal lackey. And you have the young love just out of reach of each other with the promise of a beautiful future together communicated through little more than looks and glances. So where does it go wrong?

            This movie adapted from Stephen Sondheim’s (West Side Story, Into the Woods, among others) musical starts off with a title sequence that has an absolutely incredible orchestrated score. Unfortunately, after that is when little things start to unravel the big picture. None of the stars, okay Helena Bonham Carter and Sacha Baron Cohen are scene-stealing, really stand out with an obviously amazing or atrocious voice. The songs themselves have moments of interesting lyrics and pacing, but again, nothing all that memorable. And the movie itself becomes stuck in a weird limbo of not knowing how serious or light-hearted to be, and the end result feels muddled for it.

            Johnny Depp is dark and brooding and mysterious and murderous, but there isn’t much to find performance-wise beneath the surface—and some of this complaint must be aimed at director Tim Burton as well. Alan Rickman’s Judge Turpin never is given enough to warrant a feeling of dread whenever appearing on-screen like Russell Crowe’s presence did in Les Miserables. The young guns of Johanna and Anthony have little more than a throwaway romance, but there are still bright spots. Bonham Carter had the most compelling character, and Cohen’s Pirelli was the perfect contrast. Props to the kid who played Toby as well, and the wonderful Timothy Spall rounded out all the Harry Potter characters appearing together for this movie (Wormtail, Snape, and Bellatrix).

            There isn’t enough meat (pies) in the story, so I found myself multiple times wondering how close I was to the end of the film during one of the many bland musical numbers. And this review would be much more scathing if not for a quality plot twist right near the end. But maybe you’re not seeing this movie for the story or songs. Maybe you want to see the bloody wonders Tim Burton created behind the whole concept of demonic barber. There’s certainly tons of blood flow—granted not all that realistic—but it didn’t really do it for me. As noted earlier it takes awhile to reach the blood, and I just don’t think it or watching other Londoners follow up by chowing down on the pies is worth the wait.

            Here’s why this movie never really works for me: I think it was the wrong move to go literally dark instead of more whimsical. The latter half of the film more so just grossed me out instead of entrancing me like I think it had the potential to do if everything was less tongue-in-pie and more tongue-in-cheek. There are some funny moments, and they could have been amped up instead of being overshadowed by the goal to go dark and damp and much too focused on the revenge. The movie did rightfully win an Oscar for makeup, and I think it would’ve been deserving for the win for the awesome costumes, but this is one barber I won’t be leaving a positive review for on Yelp.  All in all if you want Tim Burton and Johnny Depp, there are better choices like Edward Scissorhands.

In Brief:

·       It’s hard to make this claim now since it’s already tallying up its first weekend box office results, but I have been calling for weeks that Alita: Battle Angel will be one of the biggest blockbuster busts of 2019. It may not reach that level based on its decent first weekend haul, but this supposedly cinematic experience from the producer of Avatar and positive reviews from what only seems to be Twitter users isn’t a good sign. It’s trying to oversell itself, and I just don’t think it looks all that interesting.

·       With the Oscars 1 week away, might as well get into my thoughts on everything and predictions. Disclaimer: I honestly haven’t seen many of the films mostly because 2018 was not the best year for films and the nominees didn’t look very interesting or worth my money.

·       Best Picture: I wanted to see BlacKkKlansman, and I’d put my money on either that or Alfonso Cuaron’s Roma. Honestly, Black Panther didn’t deserve a nod. It was an entertaining film, but I really don’t think it was even the best Marvel movie of the year—maybe going more in-depth on that will happen another time. My Best Picture? Based solely off what I watched and my internal ranking system, my Runner-up is Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, with special acknowledgements to Mission Impossible: Fallout, Hereditary, and A Quiet Place, and my favorite movie of the year being Annihilation. The more I go back to it, the more I enjoy that film.

·       I’m hoping Christian Bale takes home Best Actor, but Rami Malek is looking to be a strong contender.

·       I really have no idea for Best Actress, so let’s just give it to Glenn Close.

·       I’d feel pretty confident in Mahershala Ali winning Supporting Actor.

·       If the 2 ladies from The Favourite split their votes for Supporting Actress, the win goes to Regina King.

·       I had Best Animated Film as Brad Bird and Incredibles 2 all the way up until Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse came around and blew everything out of the water as one of the best Spider-Man and animated movies to come out in a long time.

·       I think there could have been better nominees for Cinematography, so let’s pick an underdog in Cold War.

·       I do think Black Panther absolutely deserves a nomination for Costume Design, but maybe the voters felt some magic for Mary Poppins Returns.

·       I have Alfonso Cuaron edging out Yorgos Lanthimos for Director.

·       Based on the one I’d be most interested in watching, I’m giving Documentary to Free Solo.

·       For Live Action Short Film and Documentary: Pick ‘em. Please. I have no idea.

·       I’m going to say Bohemian Rhapsody beats out Green Book for editing.

·       Don’t see how you could pick any other Foreign Language film over Roma.

·       Since Darkest Hour won last year, Vice will follow this year and win Makeup.

·       Mary Poppins Returns could easily win Best Score, but I would not be disappointed if Alexandre Desplat won for Isle of Dogs.

·       “Shallow” for Song.

·       Black Panther or First Man for Production Design.

·       Really enjoyed the adorable Bao, so that’s my shoe-in for Short Animated Film.

·       I loved the Sound Editing of A Quiet Place, but it feels like the absence of sound for much of that film means it can’t win. Give it to Bohemian Rhapsody.

·       Pick ‘em for Sound Mixing.

·       Extremely disappointed Annihilation didn’t get a nomination for Visual Effects. I had issues with the CGI in moments for both Solo and Avengers: Infinity War, so my vote is for Ready Player One.

·       Adapted Screenplay is probably If Beale Street Could Talk, but this is close between a couple others.

·       And Original Screenplay must be Green Book.

·       As a closing note, I agreed with Ellen when she told and gave her reasoning for why Kevin Hart should’ve stayed on as host, but I’m not going to get into that. Overall, most likely won’t watch live because there’s really no point.

·       The good news is that after a few super duds of releases of films, there’s stuff now or coming out that I might check out, and there are others on the horizon to look forward to. As for right now, you can probably catch me going animated with both The Lego Movie 2: The Second Part, and How to Train your Dragon: The Secret World will honestly probably be worth checking out in theaters after a great first film and an even better sequel.

The Best Spider-Man Movie Ever?

           

You remember The Lego Batman Movie? Crisp animation, really funny, strong and varied characters, and a fun story overall made it a really enjoyable movie—if not as strong as the amazing The Lego Movie. Now if you apply all of that praise I just mentioned and think better in every category, that’s how you get Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse.

            When you watch the credits and see just how many animators worked on this film, it makes sense that it took three people to direct this behemoth. And they pull it off spectacularly. The movie looks just like a comic book in the best possible way, thought bubbles and action sounds included. The story centers around Dope’s Shameik Moore’s Miles Morales as he navigates an elite boarding school before quickly being bitten by a radioactive spider to become that dimension’s second Spider-Man after the aging 26-year-old Chris Pine Peter Parker. And it’s when we follow Miles and hear his thoughts that the directing is at its best. The writing is so witty and relatable and so quickly paced that even when the very occasional joke misses, the movie swings right along.

            This movie is almost 2 hours long, and it deserves every second. The buildup to the mashing of dimensions takes its time, but the beginning is so strong that the pacing works. The best way to describe it is to compare How to Train Your Dragons 2. As strange as it sounds, one of the best things about that movie is how in between the beautiful action scenes were the most compelling transition and expositional and character developing scenes in an animated film that simply had characters talking to each other without much else going on. That’s how this movie is: even before Miles gets those tingly spidey senses, the movie is compelling through and through.

            It’s at this point in a review where I take a break from praising the film and start pointing out small critiques. Yeah, not for this movie. We’re introduced to Peter B. Parker (the awesome Jake Johnson of New Girl fame, also in Tag and Jurassic World), a Spider-Man from a different dimension where his real life has been torn apart more than the space-time continuum and has resulted in Parker losing both motivation to continue saving lives and his waist line. It’s this Parker that reluctantly agrees to show Miles the webs as they work together to take down Kingpin and his machine.

            Since they’re obviously shown in the trailers, I don’t see it as a spoiler to talk about the other Spideys we meet. There’s Spider-Gwen (or Spider-Woman if you prefer) that interacts with Miles only less than Peter B. Parker, Spider-Man Noir from a black and white era who eats justice and oreos for breakfast and is played by freaking Nic Cage, and he’s contrasted by Peni Parker, an anime style girl from centuries in the future who fights using her best friend mecha spider bot. And of course you have to love John Mulaney’s Peter Porker Spider-Ham from an anthropomorphic dimension. With this supporting cast of heroes and the dynamics and interactions among them, you have a more than capable film already. But this is rounded out by strong subplot featuring Miles’s uncle (Mahershala Ali) and dad (Brian Tyree Henry, Atlanta’s Paper Boi), and villains like Kingpin, Doc Ock, and even Green Goblin. All three of these villains have fun, unique characteristics, but my favorite had to be how the directors utilized Kingpin’s massive stature in his black suit and even giving him a totally plausible motivation for why he wants to keep using his dimension squashing machine.

            Oh yeah, and after you factor in the animation, characters, action, and story, you’re still left with a strong score and one of the best movie soundtracks you’ll find. If I had to say something negative, and I’m really pulling silky strings here, I noticed during the credits that Post Malone was given like one line to say. Oh well. His trip to Olive Garden with Jimmy Fallon was funny, so everything evens out. I like Spider-Man 3 more than most people do (and probably enjoy the first two less than others), and really enjoyed both Amazing movies (yes, both had faults still), but they don't compare anywhere close to this film, so that leaves a toss-up on whether this movie or Spider-Man: Homecoming is the best Spider-Man movie. And I honestly put Homecoming as a top three Marvel movie, I enjoyed it that much. Since I seriously can’t lean one way or the other between the two, I will say that as much as I adored Brad Bird’s Incredibles 2, this is all eight hands down the best animated film of the year. If using the categories of humor, animation, story, characters, music, and directing, this film excels at all.

            Oh, and stay for the credits. They’re strange but worth it.

In Brief:

·       I liked Get Out (not as much as some people, but still), but wow does Us look good.

·       I honestly think 2018 was a pretty weak year as evidenced by Bohemian Rhapsody winning the Golden Globe for Best Drama, but I really can’t offer input since I didn’t watch most of these films. With that said, congrats to Christian Bale and to the underrated Ben Whishaw.

·       Prediction: both A Dog’s Way Home and (sorry Keanu) Replicas look forgettable, so if you’re going to a movie and you’ve already seen the previously reviewed movie, stick to what’s already out, maybe even the recently released Escape Room.

Aquaman

I hope you guys like cheese with your H₂0 because there’s plenty in this movie. I’ll be honest: I’m more of a fan of the DC Universe than most. I enjoyed Batman vs Superman a good amount, really liked Wonder Woman (particularly after the first hour), thought Suicide Squad was entertaining enough, and found Justice League to be bearable. I’d probably pit Aquaman above the likes of Suicide Squad and Justice League but below Wonder Woman. There’s a lot of entertaining moments along with some cringe in this movie, so let’s go ahead and… dive… right in.

            Jason Momoa, aka Khal Drogo and even Conan, works perfectly as Arthur Curry, aka Fishboy—excuse me, Fishman. I mean, just, what a man. Even the multiple actors who play young Aquaman are well cast. But speaking of those flashbacks, young Willem Dafoe is one creepy dude; imagine a 60-year-old man looking up YouTube makeup tutorials from a tween girl, and that’s a bit like what he looks like—I swear those eyebrows are the stuff nightmares are made of. Curry is the son of the Queen of Atlantis—goddess Nicole Kidman—and a lighthouse keeper played by freaking Jango Fett himself (credit to Seth Sanders for pointing this out to me). Patrick Wilson is a good contrast to Momoa, but he’s a bland villain overall. Amber Heard as Lady Mera puts in a fine performance, but I’ll talk later about some of the dumb story points that involve her.

            And I have to dedicate a new paragraph for how bad Black Manta is. From his first scene where he raises his arm and yells, “NOOOOOOO,” as his father (Mr. HIV positive from E.R. as well as a bit part in the new show The Rookie) gets pinned under a torpedo as their submarine starts sinking, to his second scene where his only direction was to snarl and look menacing, to his third scene… It’s fine that Aquaman doesn’t take things too seriously, but it’s still not good if I’m chuckling at what are supposed to be some of the more serious parts. Of all the over-the-top acting and dialogue, Black Manta is the worst of them all.

            I’ll try not talking about the plot too much because, let’s face it, there isn’t much of one. Kudos to this movie for condensing the origin part of everything down, but the filmmakers knew going in that it wasn’t going to be the story that would sell the movie tickets. The film is over 2 hours long, and there were a couple parts where I could tell scenes had been whittled down just to keep the movie at its current length, but there weren’t any too egregious editing mishaps. When we’re introduced to Atlantis, we see glimpses of the ecosystem, economy, politics, lifestyles, and how the Atlantians and sea creatures live harmoniously, but one of my biggest wishes from the film was for them to go more in-depth on how the Atlantis society functioned. Again, I’ll explain more later, but they yada-yada’d over stuff so they wouldn’t have to explain other choices made in the movie.

            While there are occasional logical gaps in some of the storytelling, it all breezes along fine since nobody is really worried about it anyways. But I will not let the Sicily, Italy, scene go unheard because it’s awful. Worse trash than the pollution shown in the film is the lovey-dovey, smoochey smoochey element of Arthur and Mera. Their banter back and forth is more hit than miss, but instead of keeping a solid chemistry between the leads like how Aaron Sorkin has it in the greatest movie ever A Few Good Men, we are forced to watch them make it a relationship, and more than it being utterly predictable, it’s just bad. And this is exemplified by one of the worst uses of a soundtrack ever in a movie. Why in the world am I watching a superhero movie when I suddenly hear Pitbull singing—wait for it— “Ocean to Ocean.” After this is used in a transition scene, there’s also a love song played while Mera humorously adjusts to landlubber life in Italy much to the amusement of Arthur; the scene is fine and has a couple laughs, but the song is so heavy-handed and on the nose and just kills everything. It’s weird and the songs aren’t very good either; okay fine, the song played during the end credits is decent, but that shouldn’t even count. And to top it all off, when Pitbull isn’t rapping, we’re graced by the worst score in a DC movie yet. Hans Zimmer utilized excellent themes for the 3 big heroes in Batman vs. Superman, but this sadly doesn’t include Aquaman, so the score by Rupert Gregson-Williams ends up consisting of music that works better for trailers and rips off the Inception bwaahhhummhhhhh. For the record I think I did a solid job interpreting what that sound is.

            Okay, after that little rant, let’s switch it up a bit. I think one of the best things going for Aquaman is director James Wan. Outside of a couple miniscule critiques, the way he choreographed the action sequences I thought was wonderful. This movie is a huge CG-fest. For the most part, the CGI is fine and sometimes pretty good. I absolutely dug every time he probably made his cinematographer dizzy by swirling the camera around the action without using noticeable cuts. If you’re creating a no holds barred sci-fi CGI action film, this is the way I want the action to be. Even the smaller stunts are just cool idea after cool idea. And this is possible by one of the best and worst things about the movie—there are essentially no rules. I have no idea what is supposed to hurt Aquaman and what isn’t, how the water physics and abilities work, who in Atlantis gets to use Jedi water force tricks and who doesn’t, and how advanced the technology is (they explain it a wee bit). This opens up the action to allow any cool thing to happen, but it also eliminates some of the tensions and thrills associated with thinking a key character is actually in danger of being seriously hurt or killed. But to the credit of Aquaman, since they do in fact embrace the corny, this ends up being more of a minor critique.

            And to talk a bit more of the CGI, if this was an old school video game where the graphics were based on how realistic the water looked, then this movie wins. There are really cool implementations of water including water holograms and baddies spewing out water when a limb is chopped off. One of the most impressive things to me is how the characters interacted underwater. The hair moves in a believable way (including Momoa’s beard), the slightly muffled voices get the desires effect without being distracting or inaudible, and the characters are consistently drenched whenever they transition from underwater to a dry or secluded area. Obviously, plenty of green screens had to be used, and besides some of the backgrounds looking flat, the film holds up nicely all the way through. Most of the sea creatures look pretty good too, but most importantly, this movie answers what a shark sounds like, which apparently is close to a lion’s roar.

            Okay, if I was to sum up what kind of experience you’ll get from Aquaman, this is how I’d do it. There’s an escape sequence with Arthur and Mera, and Arthur has a funny line about using something from Pinocchio to help them escape. Not even 5 minutes go by and we’re now in Sicily in the previously described scene. A little girl throws a coin in a fountain, and Mera uses her Jedi water tricks to make water dolphins start dancing in the fountain. The little girl is amazed and runs to tell her mother. Arthur and Mera start talking, and in the background the little girl buys a book. Of all the street shops in all the towns in all the world, the little girl buys Pinocchio and hands it to Mera. Granted, Arthur gets a funny punchline out of this, but it’s this type of schtick that can be overbearing.

            There’s a lot that happens in the forefront and in the background, and this works well in the action scenes, but the cheesiness is too much when the movie has to story. The costumes are beautiful, the film has a good color palette, and James Wan and Jason Momoa are the primary reasons why Aquaman is able to work in the first place, but it really mostly comes down to how willing you are to go along for the ride. I think the movie is pretty enjoyable all around and would even give my recommendation to see it in theaters, but just know that the cheese is strong in this one.

In Brief:

·       Won’t have too much in this section since I still need to see the other 3 December movies I mentioned in the Adaptation. review.

·       Mentioned both E.R. and The Rookie. E.R. has a ridiculous amount of episodes, and The Rookie is still in its first season, and I give my recommendation for both shows.

·       According to Nik Durman and Noah Yarborough, Love Island is quality trash to check out, and I think I might just do that.

·       The MIB: International trailer hit, and I have hopes for it—big fan of all 3 of those films.

·       I am so excited for Detective Pikachu next summer.

·       If I ever take like a week to rewatch all the Marvel movies, I’d like to a ranking of all those. 

Adaptation!

So here I am. Writing a movie review. The day is July 17. I just wrote a review for that dinosaur movie starring a guardian of a galaxy and need to branch off. But what is there to do? Certainly there is a review out there waiting to be tackled by my very particular set of skills. Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for other critics. Hm, there’s nothing more different from the action blockbuster than Adaptation.! Of course, it makes perfect sense. I’ll get to work immediately and crank this out.

--Months pass, friends are lost, babies are born, movies are watched—

Why have I not begun? Is it because this film doesn’t fall into my traditional format for review writing? Where’s my eye-popping and witty intro segued into a body full of useful information and basic plot points? I’m running out of time, I promised my agent a review by noon 10 weeks ago! What to do, what to do…

“Hello, Jacob.”

Oh, hey twin and not at all plot convenient brother Jeffrey Gill! What brings you here?

“I just wanted to check in on how that new review of yours was coming along! You know, since I took your advice and started my own blog, I’ve been able to quit my daytime job to pursue this full time! How crazy is that?”

Yeah, super crazy, Jeffrey. Look, I’m a bit busy on this review and all, and you know, I usually do this stuff. By myself.

“Hey, I understand! But if there’s anything I could do, after all that my baby bro has done for me, well, nothing would make me happier.”

Well actually, this is the longest I’ve gone without a review, and it just feels like nothing is coming together.

“Well let’s see… Adaptation.? That’s that Nic Cage film, right?”

Yeah, you know he was born—

“—Nicolas Kim Coppola? Yeah, you used to tell me that all the time. Well, he’s got a new movie coming out. That uh Amazing, no, Incredible, no, Ultimate, no, oh! Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse. That’s it. Yeah, he’s got a pretty big role in that I heard. There’s your intro right there.”

Wow, yeah, that’s perfect. Well guys, I’m back and objectively better than ever. If you’re confused at all by what’s happening, and I’m absolutely assuming you are, let’s clear the air. Charlie Kaufman is one of the most unique writer/directors in Hollywood who wrote one of my favorite movies—Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Before that, however, he found success writing Being John Malkovich (directed by Her director Spike Jonze). After this, Kaufman was tasked to write a screen adaptation of the book The Orchid Thief by Susan Orlean. Realizing that this book has very little action and conflict, Kaufman gets writer’s block. His solution? He starts writing a screenplay about Charlie Kaufman unable to write a screenplay about The Orchid Thief. This turns into the movie Adaptation. about Charlie Kaufman and his fictional twin brother Donald that advances the plot with both brothers being played by Nic Cage, and Meryl Streep comes along to play Susan Orlean and Spike Jonze directs as well.

If you’re thinking Kaufman is one weird dude, you’re 100% right. His films (including Synecdoche, New York) all work to varying degrees. Although Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind still tops the list for me and Being John Malkovich is tons of fun, Adaptation. is close up there. Even under 2 hours it drags in parts, and sometimes Cage’s flawed Charlie Kaufman character is a bit too much to handle. With that said, his dual performance might just be my favorite Nic Cage performance (can’t stand Leaving Las Vegas, fight me). Kaufman’s script is also possibly his strongest, and Meryl Streep provides an unhinged performance. Of Cage, Streep, Chris Cooper, and Kaufman, Cooper is the one who won the Oscar for his category of Best Supporting Actor (Streep did win the Golden Globe though). I think he was the least deserving, but I think it had mostly to do with who they were competing against. Side note: Kaufman was listed twice when he got his writing nomination because they gave credit to Donald Kaufman as well. Throw in a great ending, and everything adds up to one of the most unique, strange, and fun films out there.

Intro? Check. Plot summary? Check. Critique? Check. All that’s missing is an ending deserving of the movie…

“If there’s one thing I’ve learned, Jacob, it’s that you’re at your best when you write from the heart.”

Wow, Jeffrey, thanks. I really needed to hear that cliched motivational statement. If you’re interested in Adaptation., it does help to have first seen Being John Malkovich as this movie literally opens with Charlie Kaufman on the set of Malkovich. I will still contend that the best introduction to Kaufman’s work is Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind with Jim Carrey in a career-defining starring role. How’s that?

“Great stuff! Now end the review.”

But how?

“Like this.

“The end.”

In Brief:

·       I have to pat myself on the back because I was totally right when I said Mission Impossible: Fallout was going to be the movie of the summer. Granted, it was a pretty weak summer (and year to be honest), but still.

·       I have a couple more reviews I have planned, so hopefully more will be on the way soon. Also, after some lackluster months, December is looking pretty great. After watching a 5-minute extended trailer, I was sold that Aquaman will actually be good. Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse seriously also looks good, might go see Clint Eastwood in The Mule because who knows how many more movies ol’ Blondie has got left in him, and there’s no way Christian Bale as Dick Cheney and Sam Rockwell as George W. Bush in Vice isn’t a winning combination.

·       Die Hard is the greatest Christmas movie.

Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom

I saw that new dino movie, and there is plenty to discuss, so let’s get right to it. The beginning is flat out terrible. I hated it. Like, I did not come into this movie expecting an Aaron Sorkin script-- or even a Michael Crichton script-- but this was just bad. The opening scene may be the worst of it filled with cliches, conveniently stupid characters, and utter predictability. It was obvious the film was determined to start off with action and a subplot to be brought back at the end of the film, and they just went with the first idea that was thought up. After this abysmal opening, the transitioning from showing where our 2 main attractive leads are to how they end up at the next big action set piece is chopped up with throwaway narrative. Seriously, Owen (Chris Pratt) has supposedly moved on from both Claire (Bryce Dallas Howard-- filmmaker and actor Ron Howard’s daughter) and dinosaurs in these past 3 years. He meets Claire for a drink, and all she does is say that he is better than this and that there is a plane tomorrow. That is all she does to try to convince him to come on this suicidal rescue mission. And it works! One look back at his time with baby Blue, and Owen suddenly remembers about his caring side for these animals. His cabin will have to wait for another film to be finished.

    And now on to the island eruption escape rescue mission prominently featured in the trailer. Surprise, I mostly did not care for this at all. Ted Levine will forever have a special place in my heart for his role as Captain Stottlemyer in the show Monk. And his acting honestly isn’t bad. But his character is atrocious. A greedy, evil mercenary in a Jurassic movie? What a surprise! Side character Zia is also super boring to watch, and Franklin is more annoying than he is funny. Chris Pratt did his worst Leo DiCaprio impression from The Wolf of Wall Street when he tries escaping the flowing lava in his tranquilized state. The scene with the dinosaur in the lava-splitting control room is cool to look at but also suffers from being mostly ridiculous. And when you really think about it, the fact that the island blows up right as they are completing their rescue mission to allow the most implausible of escapes just really tests the limits of what I allow in an action film. 2 more issues: the music up to this point is bland, and there’s a CGI issue. When the movie slows down and takes its time, I think everything looks pretty good overall; but once you add chaos, the movie can’t quite handle all the dinosaurs trying to interact and move with each other in the smoothest of ways. Sorry, one more issue. If you remember the “There’s always a bigger fish” line from Star Wars Episode I, you can apply that to dinosaurs anytime the main characters are in trouble of being devoured.

    There are definitively 2 things that I can look back at from the first half of this film and actually enjoy. I think that at the beginning of the film, having Owen and Claire switch roles from the first film is actually a clever move. Claire is working for a conservation effort desperate to get Congress and lobbyists to save the dinosaurs that are stuck on Isla Nublar that has been threatening to explode, and Owen has retreated to a hermitlike life trying to build a cabin and stay away from the craziness of what happened 3 years ago. It’s a smart way to introduce these characters even if the rest of the opening is butchered. Also, from the island escape scene, the underwater gyrosphere scene is a really awesome and tense shot. I also want to point out that even though I was mostly tough on the first half of this film, I feel like the average moviegoer won’t be as annoyed as I was. I’m being picky about an action film that has dinosaurs in the present day, so many of you honestly probably won’t have all the same problems that I have. And that’s okay. I just want to make everyone aware that the problems are there.

    Now then, it is probably clear by this point that I have talked non stop about the first half of this film with little mention of anything else. So as to not give away anymore of the plot, I’ll try to keep things as vague as possible. But do know that I thought the third act of this film was awesome. The action was suspenseful and thrilling, the filmmaker got creative with some shots, and the dinos shone through. The villain is terrible, but that doesn’t diminish the action for me. In case you forgot from Jurassic Park and World, Dr. Wu is determined to continue his research no matter what the cost, and there is a shady corporation that plans to use these dinosaurs as weapons. Oh, and the film has James Cromwell as basically an exact replacement for John Hammond.

    But if you put the human motives aside, the entire third act is pretty great. And I believe I can explain why. Let’s take a trip down memory lane to the amazing Jurassic Park. You do have the likes of "Hello, Newman" Wayne Knight as a greedy two-timer trying to steal the dino DNA, but he is never the focal point. He gets the action set and rolling, but the emphasis is always on the dinosaurs. Granted, Michael Crichton did a great job writing the characters, but it isn’t the human-to-human interactions that make the movie so beloved. It is the dinosaur-to-human threat. Spielberg knew this. The first half of Fallen Kingdom did not. The dinosaurs are constrained while the plot is moved forward solely by humans. This contrast is even more evident once the third act kicks in and the dinos are unleashed. The audience is not terrified by black market auction dealings; no, it is when a T-Rex or Abdominus Rex or Indo Raptor has little regard for who is good and who is evil and is simply on the hunt. And having Cromwell’s granddaughter Maisie Lockwood--  the best side character for the record-- part of the action ups the ante of the danger of the situation appropriately. Heck, the music also improves tremendously. As for the ending of the film, there are some cool ideas implemented, and it certainly brings the series to a point of no return. How the eventual third film will handle it is completely unknown by me, but hey, it makes me curious and enthusiastic about what will come.

    I believe a good chunk of people will find the first half to be anywhere from bearable to entertaining, I personally thought it was extremely lazy and poorly executed. What saves this film from a scathing review to an actual recommendation is the third act. The thrilling action is exactly what you are hoping for when you pay to see this movie in theaters. It is gripping, edge-of-your-seat quality stuff, and even though it doesn’t make me forget the beginning, it absolutely helped with my lasting impression. This is not the movie of the summer, but it still is a good time at the theater.

In Brief:

• You may have heard of Hotel Artemis and probably just didn’t care or bother to go watch it. If you see it on TV in a couple years, it’s worth the watch. Not much more though. Hey, it has Dave Bautista and Jeff Goldblum (who holds nothing more than a cameo in Fallen Kingdom), okay.
• Watched I, Tonya. Dialogue was super choppy. Margot Robbie is always a plus though. Decent movie all around with great ice skating shots-- even if it is quite obvious that the triple axel is fake.
• Hearts Beat Loud is a good enough feel-good indie flick with an interesting role for Nick Offerman (and such a different character for Toni Collete after just watching her Hereditary). Go see the movie or don’t, doesn’t matter to me. But check out the songs from it. Really, really enjoyed the soundtrack.
• For all you haters, I just want to put it out there that Jurassic Park 3 is an entertaining film. If you sit back and leave your cares at the door, it’s just a fun movie. Honestly.
• I highly recommend looking up the author Michael Crichton. He wrote the novel and the screenplay for the original Jurassic Park, and his main genre is sci-fi thriller. And he adds a bunch of plausible science to everything and makes you wonder in books like Timeline if time travel could actually be possible. Books like Sphere and Prey are also at the top of my book recommendations.
• Hotel Transylvania 3 is coming out with Adam Sandler back as Drac. I have approximately 0 thoughts about that series; however, I did see Billy Madison recently. Absolutely a dumb film, but for every 3 jokes that I did not laugh at, there was a decent one. And a couple really funny moments-- like Billy pelting kids with dodgeballs. Also also, of everything I have seen from Sandler, what might warrant a review-- or at the very least my recommendation-- is Punch-Drunk Love. It’s a strange and great film.
• Fallen Kingdom may not be the film of the summer, but we all know what will be. That’s right. There is nobody that can stop me from going to see Mission Impossible: Fallout in a couple of weeks. Possibly multiple times. There is a 0% chance that it will be a bad movie.

Hereditary

I saw A Quiet Place earlier in the year, and to me that was the best horror movie since It Follows a few years back. Hereditary is also a horror movie, but you can’t really compare it to A Quiet Place. A Quiet Place is a brisk 90 minutes that gets started right from the get-go without bothering with any clunky exposition because it knows it already has a solid premise that doesn’t need dialogue explaining the backstory. Hereditary, however, is a slow burner. It is atmospheric and disturbing and is always setting itself up. There are surprises and scares along the way, but it certainly fills up its 2 hour runtime engaging the core characters. Both of these movies mentioned are worth seeing in theaters (shame on you if you didn’t see A Quiet Place), but this review is obviously only for 1 of these movies.

    To start reviewing Hereditary more, I actually want to make one more comparison, and you probably won’t be able to guess it either. I’m talking about How To Train Your Dragon 2. I will give a moment to process why on earth I might use this film as a comparison… Okay, moment over. If you saw this animated sequel-- and you really should, it’s a fantastic film honestly-- you probably enjoyed the visuals and the story and the likable characters. But that’s not why I’m talking about it. What makes How To Train Your Dragon 2 stand out from other animated films are the scenes in between the action. There would be scenes with just two characters talking with each other, and the writing was just spot on. It was really well done and pulled the entire film together cohesively. Hereditary is similar in how it builds its arcs with all of the family members.

    If you watched the trailer, there isn’t too much to know about the film except a creepy looking little girl in the family with dead grandma waving to the camera. Dead grandma is in fact how the film starts out, and I’m not spoiling anything by saying that her soul isn’t quite done with whatever mission it had to do. We get to know the mother Annie played absolutely brilliantly by Toni Collette who seems a bit disconnected and is trying to figure out the right way to grieve her mother’s passing. The father Steve is introduced in that amicable way where he’s happy if the family is happy and brings about a sort of mellow warmness to the film. The eldest is a pot-smoking high school student named Peter (pretty sure one of the bongs he uses was penis shaped, but I have not and will probably not try confirming that). The daughter Charlie has this creepy look where you’re not sure if there is any sort of deformity or mental issue, but other than her slightly off look and her peanut allergy, she’s a little girl. Who also makes this creepy clicking noise. And cuts off the head of a dead bird. But just a little girl.

    Without explaining any of the mystery away, the rest of the plot is pretty simple. The family tries moving on all in their own ways, but there’s obviously something supernatural lurking in the background. The mother goes to one of those meetings like AA except it’s for grieving parents, and despite her hesitation, it seems like that is helping her. Also, side note, Annie makes miniature lifelike scenes-- all of which she draws from her life. There isn’t much story relevance to this, but the first time filmmaker Ari Aster (one of the catchiest names ever) uses it to a really cool trippy effect in transition shots. One of her sets is of their large house surrounded by trees, and in some transition shots, it is difficult to tell if you’re looking at real life or one of the mom’s scenes.

    The acting-- especially from Toni Collette-- is top-notch, the story-- while simple-- is executed better than almost any, and the scares are genuine. For one more comparison that I think will help, I saw The Shining written all over this film from art direction, pacing, and overall mood. The horror here is just genuine. You will not get your dozens of jump scares like from The Woman in Black for instance, but you get truly unsettling scenes, disturbing moments and images, and a constant sense of dread settling in. The whole movie is engaging, but I do not want to lie in saying that the movie does take its time in getting to the climax. It’s the kind of movie that rewards the audience for paying attention the whole time, and just for the climax alone, it is worth seeing this movie in theaters. Luckily for me, I saw this with my oldest brother who dashed out 10 minutes into the film because the lights weren’t turned off, and he got them to turn them off because this film totally needs it. Although I’m a huge fan in the execution of the climax, the ending itself won’t please everybody-- possibly myself included. It was not what I was expecting, it’s also a bit confusing, and it’s just one of those endings that needs time to process. I’m not 100% behind it, but I still respect it. This will not be a film for everybody by any means. It is not mainstream horror. But it is the well executed type of film that keeps me coming back to horror. I’m picky about my horror films, and Hereditary easily cracks my top 5 for the genre. If you want high quality horror and a hard time sleeping that night, go see Hereditary this week before it leaves theaters.

In Brief:

• Incredibles 2 is arguably better than the original. A somewhat predictable villain, but a strong motive and good execution makes it work. And overall, it really is great fun the whole family can enjoy. And give me a Frozone spinoff.
• I will probably do a review for a different animated film coming up. Also possibly one for an 80s gangster crime film. My internship ends in a couple of weeks, so that might open me up to doing more reviews this summer
• Never really watched the show, but I found it interesting to learn about Mr. Rogers in Won’t you be my Neighbor? It’s probably more interesting than the show itself
• Sicario: Day of the Soldado is a gritty, bloody thriller. It doesn’t have the visceral punch that Denis Villeneuve and Johan Johansson brought to the first, but the plot from Taylor Sheridan (wrote the first, Hell or High Water, and wrote and directed Wind River) is actually an improvement. It sets up a possible third movie, and bringing Emily Blunt back I think would be a good move.
• The action in Skyscraper looks too much like a Fast and Furious film, so I have little hope for that film.

• July 27th. Mission Impossible: Fallout. It’s going to be great.